Yesterday, we learned that Sharon Osbourne, one of the panelists on The Talk and of course the wife of an ancient bat-eating mummy, had some harsh words about the ladies of rival show The View. Specifically, she told them to go f--k themselves. Just like that. That's what she said. So, that news got out and of course it was brought up on The Talk yesterday. Sharon said she was sorry and explained that, "I have to own this. I'm fully responsible for myself -- some of the time. And unfortunately, I was inappropriate, and I was trying to be funny at someone else's expense." She then went on, saying, "It was the ladies of The Talk. We were asked a question about The Talk." At that point Sara Gilbert interrupted her and said, "The View, you mean?" and Sharon replied "See?! I'm not well!" So there you have it. The crazy old Sharon lady doesn't even know what show she's on, so how can she be expected to be responsible for telling Whoopi Goldberg to go f--k herself? She can't. No one can. If a crazy old person tells you to go f--k yourself — and at some point in your life a crazy old person will tell you to go ahead and f--k yourself — you should only embrace them. For they know not what they do. I mean, it's Sharon Osbourne! She lives in a mildewing castle full of dog poop with that mumbling old mummy. Bats flapping around, spooky moans, and rattles of chains. You'd go nuts too. Let's not be angry with Sharon. Hopefully Whoopi, and Sherri, and Jenny have all forgiven her. Maybe, even, as a show of respect they could actually go f--k themselves, as Sharon requested. That might be the right thing to do. [Us Weekly]

I know we're all sick of this kid, but criminy. Just when we're starting to feel bad for Justin Bieber, with bottles being thrown at him and strange women taking videos of him sleeping and posting them on the Internet, something like this pops up and he seems like a twerp all over again. TMZ has obtained video of Justin in the labyrinthine back hallways of a Las Vegas casino some months back in which he steals a security guard's bike and rides it impudently down the corridors for a bit until two beefy guys in suits stop him and make him get off. Yeah, he was just funning on some poor security guard, making his work day harder, just because he wanted to. Thank god, then, for the men in suits. And look at this kid after he's caught and embarrassed. He slinks away, pretending to read something on his phone to mask the shame of getting in trouble. Trying to say "who cares?" but inadvertently showing only that he does care, deeply, at that moment. We could blame this all on a kid being a kid, but he's 19 years old. He could go to war. He can vote for president. (Or, excuse me, prime minister.) At a certain point, we may have to say that these aren't just childish antics. They are perhaps the signs of something more sinister. It may be that Justin Bieber is just a jerk. A grown-ass jerk. [TMZ]

How marvelous! It was Poppy Day in Great Britain yesterday, the nationwide holiday that commemorates the first time Queen Victoria visited an opium den. The tradition is to put on offensive old-timey Chinese costumes, complete with long, thin mustaches, and lie on the banks of the river all day, smoking opium. No, no, I kid. It's just Armistice Day. That's all Poppy Day is. But it does involve a good deal of celebrating, which means of course that the royals were on hand to tell the people how to do just that. Duchess Kate and Prince William rode a bus with commoners, Kate telling a man that she has taken some flying lessons. Which is interesting! Where might she plan on flying to? Meanwhile, Prince Harry was made to dress up in an elaborate military costume, complete with a long, robe-like coat. "I could 'ave little Willy Jr. out under this the 'ole time and no one would be the wiser," he whispered in Kate's ear before they parted ways and went off to their respective duties. The thought made Kate's ears hot all day, as she smiled and glad-handed and prattled on about flying lessons. All the while thinking of her little Cessna, dropping down through the mottled Orkney clouds, the land below rugged as it braced against the sea. And then, upon landing, the drive to a small, secluded cottage, this their island secret, the story they'd never tell. And him waiting there for her, greeting her with a fierce and hungry kiss. She cheekily saying "My my, I see you brought Willy Jr. with you," and then kicking the door shut behind her, glad to have gone flying through a storm and landed here. [Us Weekly; Us Weekly]

Karl Lagerfeld was one of the featured guests at some sort of Lincoln Center event on Wednesday night, and during his talk or interview or whatever it was, he said "I cannot walk in the street anymore, I’m too easy to recognize." Which, I'm sure, is very hard. To lose that sense of freedom and privacy and anonymity. I certainly pity him for that. BUT. But. And this is just a suggestion, and it comes with no judgment whatsoever. But might it be possible for Karl Lagerfeld to walk down the street unaccosted and unmolested if he mayyyybe didn't dress like a steampunk zombie Diane Keaton all the time? I just think it might be worth trying! That's all I'm saying. In terms of being recognized, if Karl Lagerfeld walked out of his house in jeans, a sweatshirt, and a Lands' End windbreaker, he'd probably be able to move around untroubled. That's all I mean. I'm not criticizing anyone. I'm just saying that perhaps if he occasionally didn't costume himself in the manner of a goth Alice B. Toklas going to the senior prom, he might have a little better luck in staying anonymous. [Page Six]

Tom Cruise is suing a magazine that claimed he abandoned his daughter Suri, and in his deposition was forced to admit that ex-wife Katie Holmes left him partly because of his involvement with Scientology. When a lawyer stated, "Katie Holmes left you in part to protect Suri from Scientology," Cruise responded, "Did she say that? That was one of the assertions, yes." Which... Oof. That "did she say that?" is pretty sad. Obviously we don't know what tone he said it in, but I'm reading it as dismay mixed with embarrassment. It might have been said angrily, with a hint of menace! That is possible. But I think it was sad. And that's... Oof. Mixed-up guy, that one. Really mixed-up guy. Anyway. I'll stop peering in people's windows now. Sorry. [TMZ]