The ongoing scandal surrounding Toronto Mayor Rob Ford reached a surreal peak of heretofore inconceivable proportions yesterday, and even Jon Stewart can't entirely handle it. "Do you have children?" Stewart asked last night's Daily Show audience before airing a clip of Ford crudely referencing cunnilingus during a city council meeting. "You might want to go right now and wake them up and bring them downstairs. And gather them around the television set. It's more important than school."
Things heated up earlier in the week when Ford, who recently admitted he smoked crack "in a drunken stupor," was asked whether he had purchased illegal drugs in the past two years. He responded with an uncomfortable eight-second pause—and then answered in the affirmative. Wondering what was going through the mayor's head during the most bewildering gap of silence in politics since Richard Nixon's eighteen-and-a-half minutes, Stewart reimagined the exchange as a heated game show test:
But none of that compares to what transpired when Ford responded to allegations that he had sexually harassed a female staffer by telling her he wanted to perform oral sex on her. "I would never do that," he insisted. "I'm happily married." And he could have stopped right there. But instead: "I've got more than enough to eat at home."
The single sentence, with the impossibly crude mental images it summons, sent the Daily Show host into a fit of hysterics. "I have an all-you-can-eat buffet at home!" he gasped, mocking the disgraced mayor. "In fact the only thing that gets me through the ridiculous amount of nonstop cunnilingus I have to perform is the sweet relief of crack!"
Then he shared some sage comedic advice. "Mayor Ford of Toronto, let that be your last statement!" he implored. "Throw down the mic! Make that the last sentence of your entire career in public service because that is what we call in my business a closer."
Ford, by the way, has announced no plans to resign.