Today in celebrity gossip: Alec Baldwin said more bad words in public, People magazine makes a terrible mistake, and Gwyneth Paltrow's scooter has been banned.

Oy, Alec Baldwin. Even when he has a point, he's wrong. Yesterday, a video popped up online of the bellicose actor yelling at some paparazzi who were swarming his car, which contained not only his wife but his newborn baby, too. So, sure, that's annoying and Alec was in the right to tell them to buzz off. Only he didn't just tell them to buzz off, he called one of them a a"c--ksucking f-g." Oh god, Alec Baldwin. Really? Stop it with this nonsense. After the video popped up, Baldwin took to Twitter — which, hasn't he quit Twitter like a billion times, most recently after hurling anti-gay slurs at some reporter? — and said that he didn't say "c--ksucking f-g," he said "c--ksucking fathead." Sure. Fine. Fathead. That's what you said, Alec. Problem solved? No, not problem solved. Because the first part of is a problem too. Someone finally explained that to Baldwin, prompting him to tweet: "Rich Ferraro from @glaad informs me that c'sucker is an anti-gay epithet. In which case I apologize and will retire it from my vocabulary." Hahahaha. Someone from GLAAD had to tell you that, Alec Baldwin? Good grief. What a bozo this guy is. I mean, he's smart, and "cultured" or whatever, but he's a complete dodo brain. That's all there is to say about him at this point. Alec Baldwin, good actor and oftentimes funny guy, is a total chucklehead. He's a buffoon, a clown, an oaf. He's a dummy, a doofus, a goofus, and a dope. How else to explain it? "Someone from GLAAD told me that this explicitly anti-gay slur is anti-gay. Had no idea!" Go to bed with that, Alec Baldwin. Honestly, put on your long night cap and your soiled footie pajamas with the butt flap and go to bed because nobody wants to hear from you for a while. Sleep a good sleep and when you wake up stop being such a nincompoop. Or don't. Who cares? Alec Baldwin is a fool. So why even bother? [TMZ; Twitter]

Ugh. There are reports that Adam Levine — Maroon 5 front man, The Voice coach, and suspected Zodiac killer (suspected by me, at least) — will be named People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive in next week's issue. Him! Adam Levine. What is wrong with you people? Why are you all falling into this clearly dangerous man's trap? It's almost like you want to end up chained to a pipe in his basement. Is that what you want? Because y'all are acting like each and every one of you wants to wake up in a druggy fog, bound and gagged in Adam Levine's root cellar. So if that's what you want, fine. Who am I to stand in your way. I'm not the FBI, who refuse to take my calls regarding this matter, so I'm done with them. Fine, go to your doom. Run toward Adam Levine. Name him the sexiest man alive. Just don't come complaining to me when you wake up in a rusty old bathtub and the only thing you hear is the sound of a chainsaw getting closer. I warned you. (Note: It is just a joke that Adam Levine is a kidnapper and/or killer of women. I in no way mean to imply that the real Adam Levine has ever, would ever, or will ever do such a thing. It's just a joke because I find him vaguely creepy. That is all. Please don't sue.) [The Hollywood Reporter]

Aw rats. The dry cleaning bag full of broken glass and lightning bugs that the ancients named Gwyneth Paltrow can't pick her kids up from school on her scooter anymore. That's what she'd been doing, zooming up to Fancington Academy or wherever they go on her tuk-tuk and then puttering away into the Los Angeles afternoon, but the school says that can't happen anymore. The school is worried about safety, especially after video was released of Paltrow dangerously cutting off a school bus as she zoomed away from the school a couple months back. So, sorry, Gwyn. You're not in Europe anymore. You'll have to collect Kumquat and Jehoshaphat or whatever those kids are named in a huge gas-guzzling SUV like everyone else at Moneymanse Prep. Or, y'know, you could let them take the bus. Because that's what kids do. Either way. [Daily Mail]

Someone said something nice about her, so Chelsea Clinton gave them her ticket to a Macklemore concert. That's the story, really. That is what happened. Dr. Paul Farmer was introducing Chelsea Clinton at an awards thing — she was getting an award for being nice to gay people and being famous, or something — and his introduction was so nice that she offered him her Macklemore ticket. Mmhm. We don't know if he took it, world-renowned doctor (he spoke at my college graduation!) Paul Farmer, but she offered it to him. The former president's daughter offered the global humanitarian her Macklemore ticket. "Mrs. Clinton said she would offer the Macklemore ticket herself." What a funny story. [Page Six]

Even though he has a broken jaw from, um, slipping on a puddle, Zac Efron was seen working hard at the gym this week. Good for him. Sticking to it. Working through the pain. He's an inspiration to us all. Also I am glad that he recognizes that no matter what else is going on in his life, Zac Efron's gotta look good. That is important. [People]