After laying into conservatives — on Fox News, this time — for the fourth night in a row, Jon Stewart had finally had enough. "I can't even stand to talk about this anymore," he said. So he changed gears and spoke with one of the government's most senior furloughed employees, Smokey the Bear (who for whatever reason has a Brooklyn accent). "I can't help but notice that this country's most beloved fire safety spokesbear is smoking," Stewart said. To which Smokey replied: "Well, you know, Jon, I'm not really on the clock right now, am I?"
Smokey got a little feisty after that. When Stewart asked if he was upset by the shutdown, he responded like any other furloughed federal worker might. "Let me get this straight. You're asking me if it's hard to get laid off of a job I've held since 19-frickin'-44, is that what you're asking me?" he said. "Alright, then let me ask you a question. Do I shit in the woods?" (Smokey said he actually lives in a Winnebago but, "spoiler alert, most bears do shit in the woods.") The point is, he's upset.
All hope is not lost for our furry friend though. Apparently there are a lot of ads on Craigslist looking for bears, Smokey said. "Yeah, I don't — I'm not sure that's the job that you're..." Stewart said. But, in case anyone was unclear, Smokey briefly outlined exactly what happens when they respond to an ad for a "bear" on Craigslist. "It's the easiest money I've ever made in my life," he added.
But if Smokey the Bear/Sex Worker isn't bad enough, he also threw his lit cigarette on the ground. "You, Smokey the Bear, are gonna throw a lit cigarette on the ground?" Stewart shouted. "Oh, you want me to go put that out?" Smokey asked. "How about this? Fuck you, pay me Jon, alright?" Luckily all the employees who aren't getting paid during the government shutdown aren't taking Smokey's no pay no play attitude.