After years of waiting, a maybe-publicity stunt here or there, and some controversy over whether or not the book deserves to be a Penguin Classic, Morrissey's autobiography is here. And here are the parts people can't stop talking about.
Morrissey makes clear in the book that there's plenty of bad feelings between him and his former band (particularly Mike Joyce). To that, he's actually pretty kind when describing their talents, The Guardian reports. But for anyone looking for a bit of clarity or more about why the Smiths broke up, don't look for that in this book:
At the close of the Strangeways sessions there took place a glut of meetings with accountants and lawyers at the Wool Hall Studio, and in the context of such, the Smiths breathed a last exhausted sigh and folded. It happened as quickly and as unemotionally as this sentence took to describe it.
The Gay Stuff
One of the things people love guessing about Morrissey is his sexuality. He's a sexy man, we're told. And it is natural law that people love reading about the people sexy people have sex and relationships with. In his book he talks about the first serious relationship in his life, and it is with a man named Jake Owen Walters. "For the first time in my life the eternal 'I' becomes 'we', as, finally, I can get on with someone," he wote. The Guardian adds:
Morrissey never specifies whether they were lovers, but talks of sharing hotel suites, of being photographed with his head "resting on Jake's exposed belly", and of Jake bringing him tea in the bath.
He also recounts an exchange at an airport. "'Well,' says the woman in the British Airways lounge, 'you're either very close brothers or lovers.' 'Can't brothers be lovers?' I imprudently reply – always ready with the pointlessly pert, whether sensible or not."
Girls Are Not That Interesting to Him
Morrissey writes intimately about Walters. He doesn't seem to have the same interest in women:
Girls remained mysteriously attracted to me ... and I had no idea why, since although each fumbling foray hit the target, nothing electrifying took place, and I turned a thousand corners without caring … Far more exciting were the array of stylish racing bikes that my father would bring home.
He Nearly Died a Lot
From being kidnapped in Mexico to not even being expected to survive infancy, Morrissey has nearly died many times. It is not revealed if Morrissey is actually part cat.
He's an Natural Athlete
Proving that Morrissey can achieve things he doesn't put his mind to, Morrissey explains that he was an accidental (very good) high school jock:
By accident I am enlisted to represent the school in track events for the 100 metres and the 400 metres for which, unthinkably, I receive schoolboy medals.
He Has Cool Friends, Cooler Stories Than You
While I'm pretty sure you have some awesome stories about you and your friends, I am also pretty sure that Morrissey has better stories than yours (and 99% of the population). For example, there are probably only a handful of people including Morrissey who can tell us about that one time Chrissie Hynde bit a tiny dog:
She calls [a] shaky terrier over to her, and then lifts it up onto her lap where she quickly sinks her teeth into its neck. The little dog clicks into a freeze-spasm like a kitten in its mother’s mouth. The dog’s owner and the dying bar staff watch stricken with horror.
Morrissey Was Offered a Cameo on Friends
Umm, we don't even know how to process this. Time Out London reports:
After meeting Joey, Rachel and the rest of the gang on set (‘the cast isfriendly’ he remarks drily), the show’s scriptwriters apparently suggested a scene where he joined Phoebe for a song at Central Perk, ‘where’, he adds, ‘I am requested to sing “in a really depressing voice”. Within seconds of the proposal, I wind down the fire-escape like a serpent.’