Oprah Winfrey is a rich lady. A rich lady who is about to turn 60. And if we learned anything from that documentary Meet Joe Black, it's that when rich people turn 60, boy do they have a party. Oprah is no exception. She'll be hosting her bash in her 23,000-square-foot house on her 40-acre property in Montecito. In preparation for the festivities — which may feature performances from Beyoncé and Tina Turner — Oprah is redoing her entire house and selling lots of furniture, rugs, and other things. So you could soon own something Oprah once owned! All you have to do is find out when Kaminski Auctions, in Beverly Hills, is selling her stuff and shell out the probably thousands of dollars it will cost for a table lamp or something. And maybe Oprah will do something crazy and Wonka-esque and sneak an invitation to her party into a few of the items. So you should definitely buy something! Buy Oprah's stuff! [Page Six]

Chelsea Clinton wants to have a baby next year. In a new magazine interview, the business lady turned potential politician said that she and her husband are going to try to conceive next year, much to the delight of her mother Hillary. So that will be interesting. Mostly because of what it might mean for the dynamics of the new baby aristocracy. Imagine the possibilities! Chelsea Clinton has a son who follows in his mother's footsteps and spends some time at Oxford, where the dashing but mysterious Prince George Alexander Louis takes him under his wing. One night while studying and drinking some good peaty scotch they share a tender kiss and thus begins a whirlwind secret affair. Chelsea Clinton has a daughter who becomes a bit of a wild child who, drinking champagne apres ski one Christmas in Gstaad, runs into the slouchy, rumpled Knox Jolie-Pitt. They soon elope, married in the hills of Tuscany before disappearing to India and reappearing eighteen months later, separated and hurt but also older, wiser. So many things could happen! Can't wait to find out what does. [Us Weekly]

Oof. This is not good, if it even means anything. And who knows what it might mean. It's probably pretty sleazy to be talking about this at all, but there it is, on several of the gossip pages, impossible to ignore. Tim Burton was photographed leaving a movie theater in London with an unknown woman and kissing her in an alleyway before they got in her car and drove off together. The woman was not his partner of 13 years, Helena Bonham Carter, with whom he has two children. Look, we don't know what this is. Maybe it's nothing, maybe it was a friendly but kinda-weird-because-it's-Tim Burton kiss. Maybe he and HBC have an understanding, an open relationship of some kind. Maybe HBC is out there snogging some fetching young lad as we speak. This is all possible! We needn't jump to the worst of conclusions right away. Let's try to be optimistic here. Things aren't always bad. Sometimes they are just things. [Page Six]

Chelsea Handler has indeed broken up with her boyfriend, playboy hotelier Andre Balazs. She joked about it in an interview on her show, before concluding "Maybe I'll start dating a bitch. That totally would be something I would do, is date a woman." Oh good. "Maybe I'll start dating a bitch." - Chelsea Handler. She's great! [People]

Look, Kylie Jenner, daughter of Bruce and Kris, and Jaden Smith, son of Will and Jada, held hands. There they are in a photograph, holding hands while they run. The first line of the story about them holding hands and running is, "Oh, to be young and in love!" Sigh! We're all weirdos! [Us Weekly]

A judge has found Justin Bieber guilty of being immature, but unfortunately that's not a crime in these United States, so he will suffer no legal consequences because of it. Bieby boy had two criminal cases against him thrown out, one for spitting in a dude's face, the other for hot-dogging in one of his hot wheels around Calabasas. The judge ruled that while Justin's behavior certainly was "immature" there's no real crime here. The spit-upon guy — who saved the spit! Guhhh! — was on Justin's property, and Justin wasn't even in the car when the particular driving incident happened. So. Oh well. What can you do. The wicked go unpunished and we all tremble in fear. That's life, I suppose. [Daily Mail]