The great rending sound that you heard last night, the great and terrible tearing coming from the west, that was not some calamity happening along the San Andreas fault. No, it was happening just west of that, somewhere in Calabasas. You see, it came to light yesterday evening that Kris Jenner and Bruce Jenner, whose union brought two great and noble houses together, are splitting up. Former Olympian Bruce and accomplished vocalist Kris have been married for 22 years, and in that time they have seen the birth of an empire. Their Keeping Up with the Kardashians reality show, which primarily features Kris's daughters from a previous marriage, including the family's crown jewel Kim, spawned more shows, brands, products, deals, endorsements, and sham marriages than most families could hope for over the course of generations. This was a mighty dynasty, and now it's been torn asunder. Well, maybe not quite asunder. Both say that it was an amicable decision and that there are no plans for actual divorce at the moment, they're just living separately. And actually this has been going on for a year already! They just kept it secret. The one thing about their family they kept secret. Probably because they worried it would hurt the business. Or, no, wait, it's because it's going to be a "major plot line" on the ninth season of the show. Terrific. So these shrewd snails know what they're doing. Nothing's really been destroyed, it's just a plot twist. Those krafty Kardashians, those... Well, nothing starts with J, but those Jenners! It's mostly the Kardashians anyway. What a family. Perhaps a bit hobbled now, but still pushing forth, expanding the dark shadow of their reach further and further across the land, with seemingly nothing to stop them. [Us Weekly; TMZ]

Page Six says that MSNBC is grooming Ronan Farrow, dashing young prodigy son of Mia Farrow and Woody Allen or perhaps Frank Sinatra, to be the next Anderson Cooper. The comparison makes sense, seeing as Farrow, like Cooper, is handsome and whip-smart and from veritable New York aristocracy. But, contrary to popular rumors, he won't be getting his own show just yet. A source told Page Six, "He’ll work across the whole lineup. He’s 25, everybody knows he’s very bright, but he’s not getting his own show — yet." Which, OK, yes, that's sensible. He needs a little on-the-job training before he's given the keys to his own studio. But it's a start! The start of something big, perhaps. The next Anderson Cooper! How about that. They really do have a lot in common when you think about it. [Page Six]

Golden beach hunk Zac Efron, freshly cleaned up and moving on with his life, has bought a $3.9 million home in the hills of Los Feliz. That's a hip neighborhood just to the east of all the Hollywood stuff, so maybe he'll be able to chill out there and not be bothered by that whole world. And it's quite a place! Though TMZ calls it only "nice-ish," it's really quite something. Modern, only slightly dated finishings, views for days, a great terrace. There doesn't seem to be a pool, but that's OK. Really the only problem with the house (other than it being in Los Angeles) is that it does, just a little, just the tiniest bit, look like a house that was built for doing cocaine in. Just a little! There's but a hint of that feeling, that maybe it was built solely for the doing of cocaine. But it's fine. That's just silliness. It's a nice house and everything in it will be nice too. [TMZ]

Apparently Liam Hemsworth's sister-in-law Elsa Pataky, the older woman who sunk her claws into Liam's brother Chris, was the one pouring poison into Liam's ear about his ex-fiance Miley Cyrus. She did not approve of Cyrus and "spent the last year freezing Miley out in some kind of passive-aggressive move" according to some source. Which, who knows if that's true. There are literally like a kajillion reasons why a 20-year-old and a 23-year-old, who are on the road or on movie sets all the time, would break off an engagement. A scheming sister-in-law is one of those potential reasons, but it doesn't seem the most likely. Of course it's possible, but a lot of other things feel more possible. Guess we'll never know, though. Not for sure. [Page Six]

Speaking of young people and engagements and whatnot, People is going hard on the Prince Harry and Cressida Bonas narrative, talking about how they're really in love and stuff in a new cover story and hinting that another royal engagement might be in the offing. To which, as always, I say poppycock and balderdash. Don't let People hogswallow you into buying one of their rags with this flim-flammery. Harry would never settle down with this "Cressida Bonas." Why that's not even a name, that's a deal at a car lot. This is all very absurd. No, Harry will not end up with Cressida Bonas, for he hasn't even met any of us yet, has he? So how would he know who the love of his life really is? It's preposterous. This is not how the bachelor story of Prince Harry ends. With this Cressida Bonas character, who is called Cressy by friends as if she's some sort of fancy lettuce and whose father is merely the chairman of some lowly haberdashery. It's unacceptable. Princess Cressy? No! Never. Not if we can help it. We will go to war with the British once again if need be. This is that serious. [People]