Good news for Americans struggling with the federal healthcare exchange: Congress is on the case. "Who better to fix this than Congress?" Jon Stewart asked. "In fact, not just Congress, but the committee whose second ranking Democrat entered Congress four years before the 1959 invention of microchips." Last week Congress' House Energy and Commerce Committee had a hearing on the healthcare.gov rollout, and things got interesting.
For instance, Republican Rep. Joe Barton of Texas wanted to know why the site violated HIPAA by asking people to sign over their privacy. "That's an interesting point. My guess is that the website is HIPAA compliant because it doesn't ask you for any health information," Stewart said. "I wonder if there's another Congressperson, perhaps a Democrat, who's so sick of this shit ... who answers the question, but cannot hide his utter contempt for Joe Barton's willful ignorance." Cue Democratic Rep. Frank "I will not yield to this monkey court!" Pallone of New Jersey, who sassily laid to rest all the HIPAA confusion—the site doesn't ask for medical information, so HIPAA isn't relevant.
With the exception of Pallone's "monkey court" comment, Democrats spent most of the hearing repeating the same healthcare.gov rhyme: "Let's fix it, not nix it." That inspired Stewart to pen his own healthcare.gov ode:
Fix it. Do not nix it.
Correct it. Do no reject it.
Debug it! Please do not unplug it.
Improve it. Don't remove it.
Repair it, not forswear it.
And then, to the tune of "Try a Little Tenderness" by Otis Redding:
We've got to squeeze her, don't tease her, never leave her
For the website, try a little tenderness
Ohhhh yeah, you got to rub her gentle, man
All you gotta do, no no no, you gotta try a little tenderness