The Obama administration is backing off its pro-strike stance, and Syria "welcomes" Secretary of State John Kerry's accidental solution. "Now obviously this is a difficult and complicated topic," Jon Stewart said on last night's Daily Show, "and reasonable people can reach different conclusions for completely defensible reason. Or, you can watch cable television, where unreasonable people reach different conclusions for insane reasons."
Terrible argument against war
An anchor on Fox & Friends showed a video of Syrian rebels shooting down a fighter jet and shouting what translates to "Thank God, thank God" to Sen. McCain. "I have a problem helping those people out if they're screaming that after a hit," the anchor says.
"If they would just scream 'Yippie ki yay, motherf***er' like a normal person, then I'd be all in," Stewart said. When McCain explains what their shouts mean, the two anchors look as if "they've been caught masturbating," he added.
Terrible argument for war
A Meet the Press anchor argued that the strike is the least awful option out of a series of bad options. Another anchor stated that civilians would be killed, to which she replied "they're going to be killed anyway." As if dying during an American strike is a better option. "Look, these people are gonna die anyway, let's face facts," Stewart said, imitating her. "At least let it be from an American bomb so they can go to heaven, you know what I'm talkin' about?"
Terrible thing to say to a child, ever
The worst pro-war argument came from Nancy Pelosi, who had a little chat with her 5-year-old grandson. Pelosi asked her grandson about Syria and he said he was against war. Her response?
"So I said to him 'What the f---do you know? You're five,'" Stewart guessed. "'You think purple's a flavor. You sleep in a fake race car. You're so irresponsible that having a teenager watch you is safer than leaving you alone.'" Jokes aside, Stewart said he was sure Pelosi responded to her grandson with grace and compassion. Instead, she told him that they've killed hundreds of children. "Holy... you said that to a 5-year-old?" Stewart said. Lesson learned: Maybe Grandma Nancy shouldn't be allowed to babysit anymore.