Last night Madonna released secretprojectrevolution, a bizarre, visually stunning, conceptually silly 17-minute short film shot by photographer Steven Klein. Did we mention that it's weird?

Madge plays herself, basically, and says a lot of stuff about revolutions, the corporate machine, hypocrisy and corruption as half clothed men dance around beautifully. "I hope my film [...] will be a call-to-action and give people a place to voice their own creative expression to help fight oppression, intolerance and complacency," Madonna said of the masterpiece (not to be confused with "Masterpiece") which launches her new Art ForFreedom global initiative. 

And it really is great, in its own ridiculous way. You'll either love it or hate it. That being said, 17-minutes is a lot of time to devote to 1984 style revolutionary art house shenanigans, so here are the best, worst and weirdest moments from secretprojectrevolution, presented without comment.

  • 1:55 While lying on the floor of a prison cell Madonna says, "I saw discrimination and bigotry, and a kind of sinister black cloud moving in on me, like a curtain of despair."

  • 2:55 As a shirtless man dances across a room with an old couch, a giant cross, and a bath tub, Madonna says we don't give her enough credit. "I keep saying I want to start a revolution, but no one is taking me seriously. If I had black skin and an afro would you take me seriously? If I was an Arab waving a hand grenade would you take me seriously?"
  • 3:30 Madonna says "I have tits and an ass and an insatiable desire to be noticed." You see her ass, through sheer stockings, when she says ass. Then she kisses a giant rosary and throws it across the room.

  • 4:27 "There's too much beauty in the world going to waste, too much talent wasted," she says. "Too much creativity being crushed beneath the wheel of corporate branding and what's trending."
  • 5:05 The camera pans down a scary prison hallway. "Democracy doesn't seem to exist anymore," she says.

  • 5:40 Madonna is tied to a bed and she, along with another shirtless male dancer, do a dance implying rape.
  • 6:00 A shirtless black guy dances as Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech plays in the background. Two other shirtless men sit motionlessly in the background with bored expressions.

  • 7:35 "I want to start a revolution," Madonna says in a voiceover as her gloved hand strokes the bars of a jail cell. "But this revolution will not be televised. It will not be available as an app on your iPhone." (It will just be available on Google-owned YouTube. Sorry, we said without comment.)
  • 9:00 "Fuck labels, I hate labels. We're all in this shit together, sailing like a burning sphere across the sea. Burn, baby, burn," Madonna says, as a man in a thong dances soulfully in a room with more shirtless, sitting men.

  • 9:40 Images of the dancer in a thong are shown over guards marching like Hitler soldiers, shooting into a flaming baby carriage.

  • 10:15 Madonna makes out with one of the female "sitting in the background" people. They're both wearing matching dominatrix outfits. Then she shoots her. Madonna sings "My Country, 'Tis of Thee" in the background.

  • 12:20 Madonna is crying.

  • 14:33 Everyone who was shot earlier gets un-shot or brought back to life. We're not sure.
  • 15:13 "I know what you're thinking," Madonna says in a voiceover, though by this point we don't even know what we're thinking. "If you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen. But it's too late. I'm in the kitchen and the burner's on full blaze."

  • 16:36 This film is dedicated to anyone whose human rights have been violated.

Here's the full video: