Frenchwomen are basically the best. Equipped with bodies that never get fat, vaginas stronger than your typical American vaginas, and the ability to abstain from sex better than anyone on the planet, French women are apparently the next logical evolution in humankind, if you ask America's best news sources.
Today's new revelation, that French women's vaginas are more taut and stronger than American ones comes from The New York Times's Ruth Foxe Blader. In a Motherlode blog post, Foxe Blader examines the idea of "perineal re-education" which is basically a fancy way of saying vagina exercises. "We don’t do that in America," Foxe Blader told her midwife, explaining that American vaginas do not apparently pursue continuing studies the way French ones do. "Don’t worry ... it’s paid for by the state," her midwife said, explaining the French perk.
Soon enough, Foxe Blader was holding her urine like the best Gallic dame:
Unlike in the United States, where a hypermedicalized pregnancy is followed by a perfunctory six-week follow-up, in France women aren’t left treading water in a sea of untold postnatal soreness. Many of my American friends have struggled with incontinence. But even a subsequent childbirth has failed to destroy my rock-hard perineum.
So if we're keeping track, that's another victory for these magical creatures and another loss for Americans and their embarrassingly weak vaginas. But Foxe Blader's story is also a part of something bigger: the American women's deification of French women. To jog your memory:
- French women are better at (and writing about) celibacy than Americans
- French women are better daters
- French women are better lovers
- French women have stronger vaginas
- French women push out less picky children out of those strong vaginas
- French women are better at having more children
- French women are offering to breastfeed babies of gay couples
- French women don't get fat (even after pushing out less-picky children)
- French women are better at worrying about getting fat
- French women eat well (and still don't get fat)
- French women don't work out and don't get fat
- French women don't age
- French women behave better
- French women are better at being impressed
- French women have better maternity leave
- French women still have pretty good maternity leave (though finding a job is hard)
- French women "are so damn cool"
- French women are chic
You kinda get the picture. Clearly, American women, it's time to step up your game. Or you know, time to ask your editors to get over French women.
Photo by: Cody Wheeler via Shutterstock.