Harrius Q. Stylus, the floppy-topped heartthrobber from classical quintet One Direction, is aware that because he dated professional feelings-haver Taylor Swift, he will likely be written about in song. And he's OK with that. Had he the chance to do it all over again, he'd probably do the same thing. He told Us Weekly magazine, "It would be hypocritical for me to say she couldn't do it because everybody writes songs based on personal experience. I can't say I'd have dated someone less famous to avoid it. I think it's people, you like people for who they are, so I couldn't say I want to date someone less famous because of the hassle. You like who you like." My goodness! What a mature and, y'know for a 19-year-old, thoughtful thing to say about this whole celebrity garbage dump mess. And this about a girl who, mere days after they'd broken up, mocked his accent during a performance on a nationally televised awards show. I'm sure Harry did his fair share of boneheaded things during their time together, but T. Swizz doing that sort of public shaming thing was the height of lame. Grownups don't do that. Hell, 23-year-olds don't do that, most of them anyway. Do you think Taylor Swift reads Thought Catalog? I'm pretty sure Taylor Swift reads Thought Catalog. Anyway! We've gotten off topic. The topic was... Oh, right, Harry was very diplomatic about this brief relationship he had with this girl once to a magazine that is read by millions of people in a nation he is not from. At 19 years old. Can you even imagine. [Us Weekly]

Page Six wrote this sentence: "Leo DiCaprio was an unexpected guest at a model-packed bash for women’s retailer Bebe at Meatpacking District club Provocateur on Wednesday night." Ha. Unexpected guest? Throwing a model party in the Meatpacking District is basically like ringing a bell and saying, "Leonardo! Leonardo! Soup's on!" Unexpected my Aunt Fanny. What a silly thing to say. Leonardo DiCaprio goes to every model party, everywhere. It's what he does. He may have his big serious movies and his environmental causes and his bicycles, but when it comes to women, Leonardo DiCaprio is an 18-year-old boy. "Duhh... models.... guhhh..." he is often heard saying. So, no, Page Six, no, world, Leonardo DiCaprio is never an unexpected guest at model party at a nightclub in Manhattan. He is an expected guest. He is the guest. It's all for him. Leonardo, it's all for you. It's all for you. [Page Six]

You want to talk unexpected guests? Let's talk unexpected guests. Glamour model Kate Upton recently showed up to a gay party at Le Bain in the Standard Hotel, something called "On Top," which can get pretty raunchy and rowdy. Upton probably didn't know there was a party that night, she just wanted to go to the clurb, and she stuck out like a sore thumb. A Page Six witness has a thrilling account: "She walked into the club doing what looked like the Dougie." Wait, stop, this is already amazing and embarrassing. Kate Upton, stop doing the Dougie. We all know what you're doing, that whole "Oh I'm just being a goof, dancing around, and whaaaat? You think I look sexy when I dance? What are you talking about??" Can it with that, Upton. Can it. OK, moving on. "She was with a bunch of fratty guys in caps that looked out of place among all the drag queens and power gays. She had a bodyguard with her and didn’t go anywhere without him . . . She was nice to the staff." Hahah! Terrific, just terrific. Going clubbing with bros, showing up accidentally to one of the bawdier mainstream gay parties in the city and, not knowing what else to do, doing the Dougie. While her bro friends probably awkwardly clasped their beer bottles and tried to act all cool with everything but wanting to die inside, well except for one of them who was fascinated, turned-on but also sad, weary with a secret, tired of all of this, these dudes, this girl furiously doing the Dougie, wanting only to walk out into that seething crowd, all hands and chests and necks, and disappear. [Page Six]

Now that Ben Affleck is Batman (excuse me while I go and laugh for a thousand years about that, not because he's a bad choice exactly but because what is he thinking), he has to do some serious workin' out. And he is doing just that. He now works out two hours a day to get in shape for the bat suit, meaning that the real winner in this whole thing is Jennifer Garner. I wonder if she recently called Anna Faris and was like "OMG, this is amazing," and Anna said, "I know right???" and then they giggled and hung up and went off to inquire about a nooner. Because why not. Why ever not. [Us Weekly]

I don't want to link to this or even click on this because it is filled with invasive paparazzi photos of people who seem like decent people, but it's very hard not to because it's pictures of Jennifer Lawrence and her on-again boyfriend Nicholas Hoult hanging out in a Montreal park, talking and lounging and drinking champagne and reading books. In some of the photos they are just lying together, reading their separate books, and it is very stars are just like us because they are humans and sometimes it is nice to lie in a park with someone you love and not do anything but read and enjoy the wind and the sun and the feeling, the gentle reassurance, that maybe the world was in fact made for us, or we for it, and that is why there are nice days, and books, and other people to share it all with. But, again, they're paparazzi photos and that's bad. So. I don't know. It's tough. [Daily Mail]

There are fundraising parties in the Hamptons this weekend for the Clintons and for Andrew Cuomo. Are you going? Jon Bon Jovi is performing at the Cuomo one. Let's go, it'll be fun. You don't have to actually donate anything, that's just a suggestion. Like the museum. C'mon, why not. It's still summer. [Page Six]