Richard Kirshenbaum, noted rich person and New York Observer columnist, has news for us: rich people are pretty much over the Hamptons. In his most recent "Isn't That Rich" column, Kirshenbaum explains that Manhattanites who were once happy to summer on the exclusive little stretch of Long Island are now leaving their house lights on timers and heading to Europe. These people will never sell their Hamptons houses, but they also don't want to spend time in the land of d-bags and bros

Kirshenbaum gives us info about his (mostly anonymous) friends who are fleeing to the Greek islands to avoid the "social pressure of the Hamptons." The whole column is rife with juicy tidbits about unimaginable wealth and the people who have it. Including:

  • one reference to John Paul Getty
  • casual mentions of Capri, Sardinia, Saint Tropez, Mykonos, and Antibes
  • a mention of $100-a-pound lobster salad "from you know where"
  • women taking Xanax on planes 
  • parents not talking to their children
  • one woman being "honest" when she says it's time for a "frickin' upgrade"

And so on. Kirshenbaum quotes one couple who now vacation on their decision to keep a Hamptons house but never stay there:

The wife munched on the cracker with some marinated eggplant. “While we may only spend 30 days a year there, I view owning a Hamptons property as part of a diversified real estate portfolio,” she said. “And as far as I’m concerned, 11962 is the primest.

Toasting over a pitcher of sangria, the husband added, “When I’m buying a business today, I look at EBITA—earnings before interest, tax and amortization. When it comes to owning a home in the Hamptons, it’s EBITFV, earnings before interest, taxes and family values. You can’t put a price on it. As the kids get older they come back — and that’s when they want a bigger house.”

Whatever the reasoning, one thing is clear: there are a lot of empty pools in the Hamptons right now. Let's go.