Today in celebrity gossip: The once and future Destiny Child was briefly lost at sea; Kanye West roughed up a paparazzo; and '90s celebrities continue to confirm that mo' money does indeed lead to mo' problems.
We may never know the full extent of Beyoncé's power over the weather, but we do know this: Once and future Destiny's Child Kelly Rowland spent the greater part of last Friday on a sailboat off the coast of Provincetown, Mass., getting blown hither and thither by the angry breaths of Eurus, cousin of Zephyrus, god of gentle winds. Basically her whale watching boat went off course and had to be towed in. But the question remained: What had Kelly Rowland done to anger Poseidon? Had she watched His whales too closely? (Did she discover their secrets?) Had she disrespected the water god's wet hospitality by refusing to sing "Jumpin' Jumpin'" atop his gentle waves? Or maybe--and hear me out on this one--we're dealing with a Wes Craven's New Nightmare reboot scenario in which Freddy Krueger is real and attacking the cast of Freddy vs. Jason via supernatural means? (Related question: Is Freddy Krueger real?) None of these questions matter for the moment. The only thing that matters is that Kelly Rowland is alive, on land, and will hopefully assist in the search for Michelle Williams who was last seen flying up into the eye of a hurricane. [Us Weekly]
In a story designed by the universe to make us question our feelings about paparazzi, Kanye West "viciously attacked" a photographer who'd gotten a little too mouthy with the musician as he walked through LAX. What exactly does a "vicious attack" entail in this case? Apparently West tried to grab a camera and "the man fell down." So, uh. Okay. Question for discussion: As someone who is currently reading a gossip roundup, what are your feelings with regards to the safety of those who attempt to document gossip? Do we or do we not condemn paparazzi for being jerks? Do we or do we not condemn rappers for being jerks? Haha, bet you didn't expect to be getting a piping hot bowl of existentialism today, did you! Just kidding, it's oatmeal. [TMZ]
A modern day Les Misérables is brewing in the hearts and minds of '90s-era celebrities. So many of them are in financial straits it's almost like mo' money leads to mo' problems perhaps? That would appear to be the case for the currently incarcerated tax evader Lauryn Hill, but look who's been similarly neglectful of tax law: None other than Courtney Love. The Hole singer now owes the IRS upwards of $266,000 after not having paid taxes since 2009, the same year she paid off a $344,000 tax lien from previously not having paid her taxes. New sentence, less math: Courtney Love doesn't pay her taxes very well. In more positive '90s celebrity financial news: Sinbad's request to file bankruptcy was approved and he no longer has to pay off nearly $11 million in debts! Back to sad '90s celebrity financial news: Amanda Bynes ordered $2,000 in room service at the Ritz and got kicked out. [TMZ; TMZ; TMZ]
We can't go out like this, no, not like this. All frowned-up and whatnot. There were also some positive things that happened in the world of celebrities over the weekend! For one thing, America's favorite, non-sexually-threatening ginger Jesse Tyler Ferguson married his main fella Justin Makita in a NYC ceremony officiated by playwright Tony Kushner! In addition to the usual Modern Family castmates and Top Chef hostesses, guests included Cat Deely and the rest of the judging panel from So You Think You Can Dance. It's not clear whether Mary Murphy shattered all the glassware via repetitive, prolonged shrieking but it's probably a safe bet. In more fun news, Supernatural's Jared Padalecki and his wife are doing their part for humanity by creating a second offspring! Phew, the gene pool was starting to look very limited for a minute there, seriously. Also, this is either good news or the quiet before the storm, but Jennifer Aniston and ex-fiancé Justin Theroux caught a movie together on Saturday! Poignant twist: The movie was Grown Ups 2. It is not known how hard Jennifer Aniston laughed when the deer peed in Adam Sandler's open mouth. Oh, and look, Miley Cyrus' parents are calling off their divorce! That's got to be good news, right? Yeah, let's chalk that up to a good news item. And your final reason to smile today? These set photos of Taylor Lautner in a creepy beard running around and jumping on EVERYTHING. Taylor Lautner was just basically parkour-ing the heck out of New York City and boy does it look hilarious. It's a full-tilt frolic! Taylor Lautner is five-foot-two-inches of pure abandon. Enjoy it, T. [Us Weekly; Daily Mail; People; Daily Mail; Daily Mail]