On the third month of the year 2013, the world rejoiced: The New York Jets had released Tim Tebow, and finally — rejoice! — tabloid Tebow-mania was over. But, lo and behold, the evil genius of Bill Belichick just made everyone care about the Christian quarterback from Florida once more.
ESPN's Ed Werder and The Boston Globe's Shalise Young report Tim Tebow has signed with the New England Patriots. But there will be no quarterback controversy here, as he will play backup behind Tom Brady, who has the better looks and, most importantly, championship rings to keep his job secure for, like, ever. The craziest detail about this news is that USA Today's Dan Shanoff nailed this prediction in April with piece about the myriad reasons why the Patriots were the best fit for Tebow:
(1) New England Patriots. Not unlike before the 2010 draft, I think this is where Tebow ends up, for a couple of sensible reasons:
*Josh McDaniels, who drafted Tebow in Denver, is the offensive coordinator. No one is a bigger Tebow fan. McDaniels also has a vested interest in proving Tebow to be a solid NFL contributor.
*Bill Belichick loves to tweak — conventional wisdom, the media — almost as much as he loves a strategic advantage, which Tebow gives him.
Shanoff has been a fan of Tebow's since he was still suiting up for the Florida Gators in the NCAA. So, upon hearing today's news, he quickly mocked up pictures of Tebow in a Patriots jersey.
But, yes, New England — a team that is everything to success the Jets are not, a destination second only to New York in sports talk — is really the only place that could have brought back the hype after ESPN and the New York papers dragged us through a Tebow-induced nightmare for so long. It was over. He was a bad football player, out of New York, out of the spotlight, and out of our lives. But uniting him with the Emperor from Star Wars Bill Belichick and the juggernaut Patriots is the only thing crazy enough to make use care. It's like Shanoff said: "Watch Belichick get Tebow 10 TDs, just to show he can."
So, how is the world reacting to this news? Hilariously, of course, because for some reason Tim Tebow makes the world go mad, and not just diehard Boston sports fans. Of course, some Boston sports fans are mostly cursing the free-agent signing, though it's unclear if they're cursing out of shock or resentment:
Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.— Dan Graziano (@espn_nfceast) June 10, 2013
Ho. Ly. Sh. It. RT @harryh Tebow!— Lockhart Steele (@Lock) June 10, 2013
The most famous Boston sports fan, ESPN's Bill Simmons, seems excited:
Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) June 10, 2013
There are unconfirmed reports that Simmons is on the phone recording an emergency podcast as we speak.
Coach Belichick is getting most of the praise for this decision, from both serious and not-so-serious sources:
I'd like to think that Belichick signed Tebow just to punish the media for claiming he hated the guy.— Alan Sepinwall (@sepinwall) June 10, 2013
Bill Belichick: Genius, troll, and magnificent bastard.— Chuck Klosterman (@CKlosterman) June 10, 2013
Bill Belichick is going to deploy Tim Tebow's virginity in exciting and unconventional ways.— Mark Lisanti (@marklisanti) June 10, 2013
Some people also want to see Tebow, the ultra-Christian boy scout, team up for some reality TV action with the Patriots' hard-partying tight end Rob Gronkowski:
How many Emmys do they give out? RT @jlundbladespn: Tebow-Gronk reality show. Who doesn't watch that?— Erik Malinowski (@erikmal) June 10, 2013
And lo, Tim Tebow and Rob Gronkowski's wacky roommates reality show was greenlit by MTV— Bruce Arthur (@bruce_arthur) June 10, 2013
So, yes, just like that, Tim Tebow is back in our lives. ESPN will likely be an embarrassing mess tomorrow, so avoid blowhards like Skip Bayless with extra vigor. Maybe it's best to take the next 48 hours off from sports TV. You won't miss much. The NBA Finals will still be there when you get back.
Oh, also, the Patriots play the Jets in Week 2.