Today in celebrity news: Rihanna doesn't want Topshop selling T-shirts of her, Gywneth does some doublespeak, and Kimye is taking their baby on tour. 

Uh oh! One thing you don't want to do is get Rihanna mad, and the British retail chain Topshop has done just that. Y'see they've been selling T-shirts with Rihanna's picture on them, and they did not have permission to do that, so she is suing the company for $5 million, according to Page Six. But it's not an open and shut case. Though there are Topshop stores in the United States, it seems the Rihanna T-shirts are maybe not sold here? And in the UK, the law doesn't protect a person's image the same way. So it's tricky, but Rihanna has decided to sue them anyway. We wish her luck! Because they shouldn't be profiting off of her face without her consent, yes, but also because Topshop is sort of an evil store. Have you ever tried anything on there? I will just say that I am not a big person, not a tiny stick figure either but still, and a large winter coat there was too tight on me. That is ridiculous, Topshop! Or I guess Topman, but whatever, same dif. Stop making people feel terrible about themselves. Or if you're going to do it, be more graceful about it, like Uniqlo is. That's colorful shaming. Topshop is mean, snobby, cloudy British shaming. And I don't like it. I hope Rihanna sues the pants off them. And the T-shirts. And the too-tight jackets. All of it. [Page Six]

Hmmm. Gwyneth Paltrow, the champagne flute made human by a lonely gay man's wish, did not have a good time at the Met gala a couple weeks ago. She said as much on an Australian radio show. Specifically: "It sucked." No uncertain terms there. And yet! The new issue of her lifestyle newsletter GOOP, largely targeted at the children of Blythe Danner, is entirely Met gala-themed. Mysterious! She talks about how glamorous and exciting the whole thing is, gushing about the fashion and whatnot. Though Gwyneth made fun of the gala's "punk" theme, in GOOP her stylist says that Gwyneth's "look is all about anarchy -- truly going against the grain and not wearing what everyone expects. That’s about as punk as you can get." So Gwyneth made fun of her stylist, essentially. Or she changed her mind? Or, mayyyybe, GOOP is not actually representative of her true life and feelings and is instead a lifestyle publication all about aspirationalism that serves some strange need for Paltrow to feel she's connecting with people while carefully demonstrating her remove from them? Who knows. Whatever the case, thank god no one takes GOOP all that seriously, otherwise we'd have some real hurt feelings on our hands. Though, hm, someone go check on that gay man. [Us Weekly]

Kim Kardashian will be bringing her baby on tour with Kanye West. He's going out on tour this fall with his new album, while Kim is due this summer. So rather than be apart from each other while Kanye rides his bus around the country, Kim is getting on the damn bus. (I mean, Kanye West probably doesn't actually ride a bus while on tour, right?) And she's arranging "cribs and soundproof hotel rooms at every stop." That could work! I mean it's a baby, so it's not going to remember this either way, it's not like living on the road is going to scar it. Better then that the family is together so Kim won't be solely burdened with the responsibilities. Now they can both tell the nannies what to do! Can you imagine being a staff member while Kim Kardashian and Kanye West tour around the country with an infant? Would that job work like an air traffic controller, where they work like two weeks and then get three off or whatever? If not, it should. Because that sounds like one crazy stressful nightmare of a job. They should just hire some monk who's taken a vow of poverty and silence and eternal holy misery who will take spiritual comfort in the cruelties visited upon him by the proud new parents. Because a regular person will not be able to endure that, I don't think. It's too much. All the coddling and soothing, having to deal with all the cranky fits and dirty diapers. And then there's the baby to take care of! Hi-yo! [TMZ]

Now that Reese Witherspoon and her husband Jim Witherspoon have been arrested, he for a DUI she for making a scene during his arrest, we are taking note of how much they drink. They've been "caught" drinking twice now, once at Soho House in New York (although in those pictures Reese appeared, to me, to be drinking seltzer) and now at the Bryant Park Hotel bar. Tsk tsk. How dare they. And by "they" I mean people who are spying on Reese Witherspoon and counting her drinks. But if the Witherspoons were going to tie one on again, they chose the right city for it. Just hop in a cab, friends. No driving necessary. I have heard more than a few people who have come to visit here from LA and said "I can get so drunk here!" Maybe I need new friends, but the point remains. Reese and Jim will not have to do any driving here, so they are allowed to have a cocktail at their hotel if they want, for pete's sake. [Page Six]