Today in celebrity news: Leo DiCaprio is auctioning off an escorted space trip, Amanda Bynes can't get on a plane, and Brad Pitt can't remember your face.
Space: the final frontier. Going to space with Leonardo DiCaprio? The finaler frontier. Though, not for long for one lucky rich person. The famous amfAR charity auction gala is happening in Cannes tonight, and one of the items the glitterati will be bidding on is a seat on one of Richard Branson's crazy, doomed celebrity space missions. Y'know, like the one Kate Winslet is going on as a thank you from Branson for rescuing his mother from a fire on his private island. (Everything in that sentence is 100 percent true.) But this is not just any space trip, this is a space trip with Leo DiCaprio. Whoever wins the bidding will be escorted to the gleaming death rocket by Mr. DiCaprio himself and then they will strap themselves in and slip the surly bonds of Earth together before whatever goes wrong goes wrong. I mean, these Richard Branson space missions are insane, right? So many celebrities are going to die. I just don't think I'd want to be shot into space by the guy who can't even keep his private island from catching on fire. But anyway, sweet auction item, huh? Do you think Leo's mother thought when her son was born, "Someday people in France will pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to go to space with him"? I hope so. I hope time has proven her exactly right every step of the way. [Page Six]
Speaking of doomed flights, Amanda Bynes reportedly (rumoredly?) had a bit of a conniption when the pilot of a private jet refused to let her board. Bynes was trying to get to LA, but when the captain asked her for ID she said her license had been suspended and she didn't have any other form of identification. The pilot told her that he couldn't let her on without proper ID, them's the TSA rules, and poor Amanda did not like that answer. Supposedly she freaked out and told the captain to Google her, saying "I'm Amanda Bynes!" So that's sad. Yet another indignity for this wayward soul. Well, either that or she isn't Amanda Bynes and this has all been some strange hoax thing and the real Amanda Bynes is bound and gagged somewhere, hidden in a secret basement room or in a remote cabin in the Sierras. It would explain the very sudden change in behavior. But if that's the case, then who is this person pretending to be Amanda Bynes? And to what end? To spend her money? To defame her reputation? Who would want to do that? I... Wait... DENBERG!!!! [TMZ]
Though she was very candid in her New York Times op ed discussing her decision to have a preemptive double mastectomy, Angelina Jolie was not too keen on talking about it on television. NBC went hard for the interview, dispatching its favorite poor, mistreated puppy Ann Curry to reach out to Jolie and woo her into sitting down on camera. See, Curry has interviewed Jolie and Brad Pitt a few times in the past and Jolie has expressed to NBC that she doesn't want to work with anyone else at the network as long as Curry is around. But, Jolie turned her down this time. And every other network. Seems like she just doesn't want to talk about it on television. Which is perfectly understandable. She said what she needed to say in a way she could control and that ought to be enough, I'd think. But it's never enough for TV news! Anyway, I'm sure she'll talk publicly about it someday. For now I think we should focus on the important stuff, like the fact that this Page Six item begins with "Not even Ann Curry could curry favor with Angelina Jolie." Oh man. Not even Ann Curry could curry. That's... woof. It almost feels like a palindrome. Or something. Don't stare at it too long or I think you'll go mad. [Page Six]
Brad Pitt thinks he has face blindness, aka prosopagnosia, because he has a hard time remembering people's faces. He said he's constantly offending people because he forgets them. They think he's being an arrogant jerk, but he just has face blindness. So if you've ever met Brad Pitt and then saw him again a little while later and he didn't remember you, don't take it personally. He wouldn't remember anyone who was rappelling down the walls of his French castle with a bag full of chloroform and duct tape. It was nothing personal, really! The sad thing is that Pitt says he doesn't go out much anymore because he doesn't want to risk hurting people's feelings, though I'd imagine that the constant army of paparazzi following him everywhere probably doesn't help with the going out. So there you have it. Brad Pitt has face blindness. That explains so much. "Wait, you're not Jen? Who are you? Ohhh. Shit." [Us Weekly]
MIA is in a custody dispute with her ex, Seagram scion Benjamin Bronfman. Yeah, that whole fairytale romance didn't pan out. Now MIA wants to take their son back to England, he's trying to stop her, and she's filed a request with the Hague Convention. The Hague Convention! That sounds very serious. MIA wanted to do this whole thing anonymously but the judge wouldn't allow that, because I guess there's some benefit to the public interest in knowing about this whole situation. I don't know. Custody things are weird. Who knows what to do. Just move halfway, I guess. Everyone move to the Azores. It's the most sensible thing. [Page Six]