Today in celebrity gossip: Lindsay Lohan might soon be writing for the Internet, Taylor Swift may have paid too much for her house, and Michael Jordan certainly paid a lot for his wedding.

Lindsay Lohan ships off to her court-mandated rehab fairly soon, and she may already have a gig lined up for when she gets out in August. It seems that she might write about her experiences getting sober for the esteemed literary journal Celebuzz. Yes, Page Six has a source who tells them that Lohan has struck a deal with the website and will then maybe use that momentum to launch her own website, featuring "her musings on art, fashion, music and movies." Aha. That sounds like a terrific idea. She'd be like the GOOP of pop culture! Now, none of this is exactly confirmed, but when asked about a rumored meeting between Lohan and the site to discuss ideas, editorial consultant A.J. Daulerio (weird to see his name in this story) told Page Six, "I’m still waiting for the official grooming session." So that's not a no! Lindsay Lohan might soon become a writer of thoughts and ideas, perhaps a Joan Didion-esque essayist, or a confessional poetess/memoirist like Mary Karr. Really the possibilities are limitless, and therefore unknowable. One thing we do know for certain though is that Lohan will seize this opportunity with gusto, as she's never been one to not follow through on something. We can at least count on that. [Page Six]

Some lady from the show Shark Tank says that Taylor Swift overpaid for the $17 million Rhode Island mansion she recently bought. Which, well, yeah. Seventeen million dollars is too much to pay for any house, ever. I mean it looks to be a lovely, stately oceanfront mansion, but come on. That's an absurd amount of money. And it's in Westerly! It's not even in Newport. Not that Newport is actually that ideal. Give me something out by Sakonnet Point any day. But oh well. What does Taylor really know about any of that. It's a nice big WASPy mansion in Rhode Island and that's what she wanted. For croquet on summer lawns, for upscale lobster bakes, for standing and looking out to sea on cloudy, windswept days feeling like her own little lighthouse, beaming her Taylor Swift beams out onto the water, not repelling ships from rocks, but drawing them in, signaling to them, saying "Please, bring me your young men, bring them to my palace of sand of salt." She's willing to pay $17 million to do that, so let's let her do that. [TMZ]

Famed Space Jam star, minor league baseball slugger, and one-time basketball player Michael Jordan was married this weekend in a south Florida ceremony that reportedly cost $10 million. And your parents thought your wedding was expensive! There you were, bickering about whether or not the kids should be fed at the reception or just driven down to McDonald's by Cousin Ricky, while Michael Jordan is dropping millions of dollars on candles. You briefly entertained your parents' suggestion that you not rent chairs for the evening because, "Who really wants to sit that much anyway?" and meanwhile Michael Jordan hired Usher and Robin Thicke to perform at his wedding. Your guests are still grumbling about your whole "semi-open bar" thing, while Michael Jordan and his model wife danced happily with the likes of Tiger Woods and Spike Lee. It just doesn't seem fair, does it? And I bet they got to fly first class somewhere nice for their honeymoon, while all you got was Aunt Judy's house in Rehoboth Beach for the week and it's not even that nice there in the spring! Nothing's ever fair in this world, is it. [Us Weekly]

The Netherlands has a new king! After 33 years of rule, Queen Beatrix has abdicated the throne (so she can finally go kill Bill), making her son Willem-Alexander king of all the Netherlands and its various properties elsewhere. This also makes Willem-Alexander's wife Queen Maxima, which is a great and somewhat terrifying name for a queen. They're both popular among the Dutch citizenry, but with a name like Queen Maxima, the people might want to keep an eye on her. You know, just in case young maids start mysteriously disappearing from the countryside or if the army suddenly tries to conquer Belgium or something. Queen Maxima! I can't wait for her arc on Game of Thrones next season. [People]

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West insist that they are not asking for baby gifts, though a bunch of fake registries have recently been spotted online. Instead the couple is asking that people donate money to a children's hospital in Chicago. Which is awfully nice of them. But really, what do they need with baby gifts? They're just gonna dress that kid in E! merch for a while, and give it Kris Humphries's old toys to play with. Kris has been trying to get that stuff back, sending crayon-scrawled notes to the house saying "Give me bak my firetruk and Hot Weels or ells" but it's so far been to no avail. Thus the divorce proceedings continue. Oh the Westdashian baby! What a wondrous young life it's going to have. What enormous diapers it will have to wear. [TMZ]

Here are some photos of the Olsen twins walking in LAX with Mary-Kate's boyfriend Olivier Sarkozy. Nothing remarkable is happening in any of the snaps, but it's still funny to see Mary-Kate and Olivier together, as they are a very funny couple. And it's fun to see Mary-Kate dressed up as Kung Lao from Mortal Kombat. That's all. I dunno. Go have a chuckle. [Daily Mail]

Catherine Zeta-Jones has checked into a treatment facility to tend to her bipolar II disorder. Her rep says she has "proactively checked into a health care facility" and that "she is committed to periodic care in order to manage her health in an optimum manner." Which, sure, makes perfect sense. Good for her. Hope it goes well. [Us Weekly]