Today in celebrity gossip: Lindsay Lohan is on a mad dash to make it to court, Marilyn Manson does an annoying thing, and Emma Watson is definitely not going to be in 50 Shades of Grey

As we speak, Lindsay Lohan is flying in an airplane over the country to get to Los Angeles in time for an 8:30 A.M. court appointment. She's going to a hearing about a traffic incident and lying to the police, but that's not really important. Who ever really knows or cares why Lindsay Lohan is in court. What you need to know is that she was on a plane from JFK that would have gotten her into L.A. last night, but at the last minute she decided she wanted off the plane. So that flight took off without her, and Lohan was stuck figuring out another way to get to LAX. In the end it appears she borrowed the private jet owned by the energy drink Mr. Pink, if a tweet is any indication. Which means she is flying through the air right now, and is set to arrive in L.A. around 7 in the morning local time, which gives her an hour and a half to drive from Van Nuys all the way to the west side to make her court appearance. That is an awfully madcap trip! Especially considering she could have just taken the plane last night and gotten a sound sleep in Los Angeles before the big hearing. But oh well. Lindsay Lohan doesn't do anything by the book, she likes to live on the edge. And hey, maybe this is all some strange marketing scheme for the energy drink and she's being paid a handsome bundle. Lohan could be being crazy like a fox here. This might all make sense in her mind. Like Hamlet. Lindsay Lohan is like Hamlet. [TMZ; TMZ]

Oh dear. Marilyn Manson was invited to a premiere party for the new glamor-scuzz movie Spring Breakers and on his way out threw a smoke bomb out of the car window and sped off. A source told Page Six, "Apparently, it's his signature move." Haha, what? Marilyn Manson has a signature party-leaving move? And it is throwing a smoke bomb out of his car window and driving away? That is a terrible signature move! I mean, the fire department came to make sure everything was OK. Not a good signature move. Why can't he pull a black dove out of his sleeve or snap his fingers and disappear? Those are much better signature moves and they do not involve the fire department. (The latter might involve the police department and eventually the paranormal branch of the FBI, but that's kind of fun.) Marilyn Manson is a 44-year-old man and should not be making throwing a smoke bomb out of a car his "signature move." That is unacceptable. It's the worst thing Marilyn Manson has ever done. [Page Six]

Actress Emma Watson has decided to put the rumors to bed herself: She is not going to play Anastasia Steele in the movie adaptation of 50 Shades of Grey. There were whisperings, based on a claim supposedly made by members of the hacking group Anonymous, that Watson might be starring in the BDSM-for-busy-moms tale, but if her jokey tweet is any indication, it's not happening. "Who here actually thinks I would do 50 Shades of Grey as a movie? Like really. For real. In real life." she tweeted, adding, "Good. Well that's that sorted then." So there you have it. Not gonna happen. And to echo her sentiment, who really thought it would?? We're talking Emma Watson, Hermione Granger herself, engaging in pretend mind-alteringly rough sex in front of millions. That never really seemed like something she was going to do. So let's move past this and continue on with our campaign to get Rupert Grint into the role. Grint for Anastasia! [Daily Mail]

Kate, Duchess of Cambridge and royal heir-factory to her majesty the Queen of England, was at a St. Patrick's Day parade in Hampshire, England yesterday and was glowing and giggly in green. She handed out shamrock sprigs to soldiers, though did not share any of the leprechaun gold that the crown stole from the leprechaun lords many years ago and is now kept in the vaults deep under Buckingham palace. She did share some laughs with the soldiers, though. One such soldie, a Sergeant Thomas Laven, told reporters afterward that he congratulated Kate on the baby and warned her, "You've got sleepless nights to come." She told him that she was ready for it, which I'm sure she is. She's got the bell ready to ring when the baby cries at night so a wet nurse will come attend to it. It will be hard, but she'll manage. Also at the parade, Kate got her heel stuck in a drain. A bit of bad luck! "That's what I was trying to tell her!" Sergeant Laven cried. "She's got many sleepless nights of leprechaun mischief and terrors awaiting her! She needs to give them back their gold! Give them back their gold or she's doomed! Doomed!!" He was then gently removed from the scene, but nothing else was done to him. I mean, this kind of thing happens all the time in the U.K. There's always someone shrieking about a leprechaun curse or what have you. It's the way of things there. [Us Weekly; Us Weekly]

Project Runway coach Tim Gunn has gone and filled out one of those Us Weekly "25 Things You Don't Know About Me" celebrity surveys and there, amid frivolous tidbits like "I'm an HGTV junkie" and "My favorite movie is The Wizard of Oz," is this: "I have not had an intimate relationship in 20 years." Oh, Tim. We knew that already, and it makes us sad. And really you don't need to put that in a silly Us Weekly survey. And why isn't Tim Gun dating? That's what everyone wants to know. What a catch he is, and yet nothing. It's not that he can't... make it work... it's that he doesn't seem like he's even trying. Which is fine, that's his choice to make, but it's too bad. Immediately following that item on the survey is "I cook dinner for myself almost every night." And then, "I make a great meatloaf." Argh. Aw. Oof. Tim. Poor Tim Gunn. Puttering around his kitchen and then sitting down to type out his "25 Things" survey. Eating his meatloaf and figuring out just what to say. Sigh. [Us Weekly]