Adding to her peerless collection of celebrities confidentials Oprah announced that she'd scored an exclusive interview with Lance Armstrong "in his first no-holds-barred interview." More specifically, Oprah's press release said that "Armstrong will address the alleged doping scandal, years of accusations of cheating, and charges of lying about the use of performance-enhancing drugs throughout his storied cycling career." No-holds-barred? Alleged doping scandal? Does this mean that Lance "The Dance" Armstrong will finally tell the truth about the drugs he almost certainly pumped into his muscles to win all those championships and make all those millions? It sounds very possible, especially given Oprah's track record or teasing the truth out of her guests.
Just look at the short list. Last year alone, Oprah got Kim Kardashian to confess about how she "lasered everything" and feels "pretty." Lady Gaga told Oprah about being bullied in middle school and even how some boys "picked [her] up and threw [her] in the trash." Rihanna even admitted to Oprah that she still loved Chris Brown! But Oprah's probably most famous moment in teasing celebrities into truth-telling for her confrontational interview with author James Frey in 2006. Frey, a big bad former drug addict with a beard, confessed to fabricating details in his memoir A Million Little Pieces. Lance Armstrong admitting to doping would absolutely eclipse those confessionals, though.
Oprah's announcement came just a few minutes after accusations emerged that Armstrong had tried to make a six-figure donation to the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency, sparking even more speculation that he tried to cover his steroid-littered tracks. If you've been following the case, though, you stopped speculating around the time he was stripped of all his major sponsorships and his seven Tour de France titles. Confessing to Oprah might offer Armstrong a little bit of redemption in the eyes of his fans, but it's not going to bring back his glory. It's also not going to take away his millions.