American Idol returns tonight with its new, potentially volatile judging team, and we're looking forward to hearing the music from the oodles of undiscovered talent eager for their voices to be heard. No, actually, scratch that. We're looking forward to the weird and wonderful moments come from the judges. There will be Mariah. And fighting. Maybe some singing, too, but mostly fighting. Here's what to watch for:

The First Fight
All the coverage of Season 12 up to this point has left everyone desperate for one thing: to see Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey fight. Rumors started almost immediately after filming of preliminary auditions began. Then there was the now infamous TMZ video: 

Then Mariah Carey talked to Barbara Walters, telling her she has hired extra security out of fear of Minaj. So basically it was a whole mess. Producer Nigel Lythgoe insisted at the show's Television Critics Association panel that the fighting was "genuine" and not just a stunt to make us watch but whatever it was it has piqued interest in what is otherwise a dying brand

Keith Urban's Personality
Does he have one? Urban, up until this point, has always struck us as a fairly bland Australian country singer married to Nicole Kidman. That said, at the Television Critic's Association panel last week it was revealed that, apparently, he gets into fights, too. His, though, are with Randy Jackson. We're intrigued, especially since it would take away some of the bad taste this cat-fight narrative has left in our mouth. 

Nicki Minaj's Wigs
Will they even be around for the live shows? Her "wig guru" has quit. Relatedly, what heights will Seacrest's hair reach

Mariah Carey, Just Mariah.
Mariah Carey is an entertaining person, plain and simple. Have you seen her say the word "festive"? The website for her children? Carey created a minor sensation when she posed oddly for an Idol promo shot. Then she stood like this in an E! interview

We hope Mariah keeps posing, repeats the same word over and over again, gets drunk, and brings her children to set.