Hmm. Teen mom from Teen Mom Maci Bookout was on Twitter the other day when she received a tweet from the father of her child asking her to marry him. No lie! Ryan Edwards from Teen Dad — Huh? What's that? There's no such show? He's just on Teen Mom? Oh, OK — was all "Maci Bookout marry me!" And Maci was all "Ur s--t got hacked BRO! Outta ur mind haha." And then Ryan was all "would never let that happen." Maci asked what he was playing at and then Ryan said, omg, "It means that I want to get on one knee and tell you how much I love you." Whoaaaa! That's huge! Maci, marry that boy! He just proposed to you sort of maybe on Twitter! How romantic! Also you have a four-year-old child together so maybe it would be easier to be married, I dunno, for like legal reasons or something? But no. Alas. Maci responded to that saying "Twitter is not the place. Ima kill u." So wait. If we're going to take Ryan's sweet Twitter proposal seriously, which we're going to, I guess that means we have to take Maci's Twitter death threat seriously, too? Police, go arrest Maci. As much as it pains us to say it. Fair's fair. Ryan, you can marry Maci while she's in jail. Bentley, which is the name of the child that made all of this, literally all of this, possible, can come live with Ryan while Maci serves her sentence. Sad that such a sweet moment had to end so tragically. But that's Twitter for you. [Us Weekly]

Haha/Ew: Lindsay Lohan said she would not kiss Charlie Sheen when they were filming their scene for Scary Movie 5 because "his mouth grossed her out." Yes. That's actually the headline of the TMZ post: "Lindsay REFUSED to Kiss Charlie ... Because His Mouth Grossed Her Out." Man. In a thousand years, when the aliens are sifting through our bones and ashes to learn about the civilization they just annihilated, they're going to somehow find a list of TMZ headlines and will shake their big gelatinous heads and figure they were right to wipe us out. TMZ headlines. Wooftie. But back to Lindsay, I don't blame her. You couldn't pay me a trillion dollars to kiss Charlie Sheen. Why not just pay me ten bucks to lick a wall at the Port Authority? Honestly. Here's a good line from the story: "we're told BOTH parties had to sign releases that they didn't have cold sores." Which, holy hell, guys. If you have to do that to film a stupid movie, maybe it's time to pack a suitcase and more to Uruguay. Like, chuck this rotten life aside and say see you soon, Montevideo. You'd be so much happier. It's supposed to be great down there. It's time for a change, you guys. Don't be another TMZ headline. [TMZ]

Naomi Campbell ate at the new Beatrice Inn on Wednesday night, hobbling in on crutches and in a leg brace after she tore a ligament or something. She ate with Vogue editor Carlyne Cerf de Dudzeele and a photographer named Steven Meisel. At a table nearby, Vera Wang, Calvin Klein, and Donna Karan were all having dinner. Excuse me?? What happened next? Did they all go to a screening of Unzipped and then to the after party, where the Spin Doctors were playing? Was everyone talking about the last MTV Top 20 and if Idalis is better than Daisy Fuentes? I mean, what? Naomi Campbell walks into a restaurant and Calvin Klein, Donna Karan, and Vera freaking Wang are eating nearby? Was Betsey Johnson the busboy? Was Cindy Crawford sweating on the line as a cook? Honestly. I didn't realize they were still filming Prêt-à-Porter. Good grief. [Page Six]

Did you know that Kelly Clarkson is engaged to Reba McEntire's stepson? Because she is. Kelly Clarkson is engaged to Reba McEntire's stepson. So engaged, in fact, that Reba thinks the two might elope. Or at least she "wouldn't be surprised" if they did. Because some big wedding wouldn't really be Kelly's style, apparently. Reba said as much: "That was never my deal and I don't know that that's Kelly's either." Oh, man. I wish Reba would say "that was never my deal" in a sentence about me. What a nice life Kelly Clarkson has had. Famous from a TV show and then actually famous, respectably famous. And now she gets to marry into Reba McEntire's family. It's all coming together for Kelly Clarkson, guys. Just in time for the end of the world. [Us Weekly]

Jessica Biel has been doing a tour of Broadway recently. First she went to see Book of Mormon and afterward tweeted thusly: "Book of Mormon was too good for words . . . Except for words like amazing and best musical I’ve seen in forever and incredible!" Which is a totally boring thing to say about Book of Mormon. Here's the skinny on that show: It's not that good. Actually, forget the italics. It's just not that good. Just because a Broadway musical swears and says "scrotum" a lot, does not mean it is being daring or irreverent. It's a wan show that actually totally gives Mormonism a pass and instead averts your gaze to freaking Africa, which it just makes fun of for two hours because who's gonna fight back on that one? Toothless and dim, that show. Entertaining, but toothless and dim. Whatever. Jessica Biel then went to go see ScarJo in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, which good heavens I didn't know that was in previews already. That is a nightmare. She's playing Maggie the Cat, ScarJo is. Can you believe that? Well, believe it or not, she is. And Jessica Biel went to go see it. Tellingly, no tweets about that. Ha, not a single damn tweet about that heap. Anyway, all this playgoing has Page Six wondering if J.Biel might be hungry for a Broadway show of her own. Which would be a fine mess, wouldn't it? Unless they do a Seventh Heaven stage play, something really serious and earnest, in which case I would walk Ms. Biel to the theater myself. But otherwise? Nope. Get thee back to the Stealth 2 set, Biel. Return to where you belong. [Page Six]