When Kanye West broke the news late last night that he and Kim Kardashian were expecting a child, the parody Twitter accounts sprang up instantly and, as we told you earlier, the jokes were old by sunrise. As the pregnancy became official on Kardashian's end of things (after what TMZ is reporting was a surprise announcement), all realms of media reached for the most desperate and unseemly of angles in covering this most astonishing of news stories. Here are some of the early favorites:

Politico makes it wonky
This one threw us for a loop. Politico somehow managed to find a way to tie the news of Kimye's pregnancy into politics. We commend them only for stretching this news as far as it could possibly go. (Don't they have fiscal cliff news to report on?)

Sad Khloe
The Daily Mail looks for pathos amid the joy. 

The baby bump game
Could we have perhaps predicted this bombshell news? Babble forces us to analyze Kim's mid-section. 

A slideshow opportunity
Related to the item above, and true to Huffington Post form, the site's style vertical built a lame slideshow, obviously.

Soothsaying
Global Grind's BlogXilla examines what the future holds for the expectant mother: "Kim's Instagram page will go from an assortment of selfies, shoe flicks and accessory pics, to a caboodle of baby knick knacks, baby stuff and baby bumps. It's going to be epic." 

Puking Kim 
Perez Hilton reads between the lines of one of Kim's blog posts wherein she said she "started to feel a little ill." 


 

The gloat no one cares about
The National Enquirer reports the news with a humblebrag.

Kim's biological clock
TheImproper, self-described as a "a cutting edge pop culture, arts, entertainment and lifestyle Web magazine," makes us squirm with a tasteless analysis (yes, a piece of writing about Kim Kardashian can be tasteless) of Kardashian's chances of conception: 

At 32, Kim is already past her prime child-bearing years. It’s nothing short of a miracle, if the news is true. Fertility starts declining after a woman turns 30, although the change is gradual, according to parents.com.

The miscarriage rate is 11.7 percent. The risk of having a baby with Down syndrome is 1 in 952, and chromosomal abnormality are likely in one of every 385 births.

So, Kim and Kanye are definitely rolling the dice. But her biological clock was definitely ticking. After 35 it becomes increasingly difficult for a woman to conceive and by 38 a woman’s ability to have a baby naturally diminishes substantially, according to the site.