Unfortunately we might be seeing some "Willie"-related headlines soon. Elsewhere in celebrity gossip: Anne Hathaway got married, Elton John played a wedding or two over the weekend, and Emily Blunt's sister marries a costar.
If a line in an article in Britain's The Telegraph is to be believed, there are naked pictures of accidental nude model Kate Middleton's husband, Prince William of Britannia, lurking somewhere too. The line reads, "Newspaper pictures tell me there are as many as 270 pictures being hawked around, which feature both the Duchess and Prince William naked." Aha! And yet we've only seen a couple dozen so far, and only of Kate. Which leads us to wonder: Why don't these people think we want to see Prince William naked? We want to see everyone naked! Sure he's not quite as dashing as he once was, and Harry has eclipsed him and then some in royal sexiness polls, but that doesn't really matter, because we want to see everyone naked. Doesn't matter what they look like. If they're famous, we're curious. If they're as famous as Prince William, it's almost a necessity. Like, be honest, you would look at nude photos of George W. Bush. You totally would. And you'd look at nude photos of Angela Merkel too. Not to compare William to them, but I'm talking internationally famous people here. We've all practically seen Putin naked already, but you'd look at the full monty, guaranteed. That's who we are. At root, all of our culture boils down to wanting to see famous people naked. So why haven't the William pictures surfaced yet? Obviously it's ultimately for the best that they don't, we're not asking for them exactly, but it just seems strange that someone, somewhere, some mysterious Albanian paparazzi trafficker or something, is sitting on these pics. Maybe they don't exist, that's always a possibility. But if they do exist, what gives? [The Telegraph, via The Daily Beast]
Anne Hathaway, Princess of Genovia, was married to some commoner in Big Sur this weekend and now we have two grainy photos of her wedding dress. Judging from the pics, the dress, custom designed for Hathaway by Valentino, involved lots of lace and tulle and a long, long veil. It's all very traditional looking. I'm sure it looked lovely up close, when not photographed from a tall pine tree or helicopter, but from this vantage point it seems a little prim or something. Y'know, like Hathaway does to things sometimes. She gets a cool thing (Valentino dress, Catwoman) and manages to turn it into something a little, well, less-than-cool. OK, that's all. This isn't Four Weddings. We're not here to judge. Congrats to the happy couple. May they reign in Genovia with iron fists until the inevitable bloody coup led by embittered and jealous freedom fighter Lilly Moscovitz. [Us Weekly]
Elton John is singin' at weddings now to make ends meet, popping up over the weekend at the fancy nuptials of Jeffery Katzenberg's daughter Laura. He played all the standards like "The Chicken Dance" and "Hava Nagila" and introduced the couple as they made their grand entrance into the VFW hall with colored lights and strobes blasting. John was later seen at the buffet, scooping a soupy heap of lasagna onto his styrofoam plate and pouring himself a a cup of warm White Zinfandel from the serve-yourself bar. Haha, just kidding, this was a Katzenberg wedding so clearly he sang a few of his best songs, was paid a ton of money, and then was flown home on a private jet while the wedding guests ate diamond quiches and drank the blood of welfare recipients. A toast to them all! [TMZ]
Busy wedding weekend: Stanley Tucci was also married, well legally married this time, to actress Emily Blunt's literary agent sister Felicity. The couple had already had a little wedding ceremony back in August but this was the official one, in London. Guests at the ceremony included Meryl Streep, Ewan MacGregor, Steve Buscemi, Colin Firth, Aidan Quinn, and of course Emily's husband John Krasinski. Quite the wedding! Elton John did not sing, nor did Blunt and Tucci's Devil Wears Prada costar Anne Hathaway come running in saying "Look, it's a Valentino! Look at meeeee!" though you know she was thinking all the way over there in California. Musta been real jealous that Streep went to that wedding and not to hers. She always tries to make them seem like such close friends at awards shows and everything... [Us Weekly]
In case you are under the age of 74 and thus did not watch it last night, Arnold Schwarzenegger was on 60 Minutes last night and was somewhat candid about that whole scandal involving the former maid and her bastard son. Schwarzenegger laid out the timeline of events, explaining that when the lad "started looking like me, that's when I kind of got it. I put things together." Aha. OK. When does that happen with a kid, I wonder? And what does it look like? Did his eyes start bulging like crazy every time he was in a foreign atmosphere? Did he start too look like a pile of shellacked and buffed pot roast? Or did he just start to look like Patrick Schwarzenegger? Like, what is the story with Arnold Schwarzenegger's genes? I bet the baby was born smoking a cigar and lifting a barbel and they knew. Just then, they knew. However it happened, Schwarz kept it a secret from his wife and other children for a long time, eventually telling them just before leaving the governor's office. Obviously everything went to pot after that, with wife Maria Shriver divorcing him, son Patrick moving to New York City to shack up with some kind of blogger (or, y'know, going to USC), and the other kids doing whoever the heck knows what. And that's what happened last night on television's finest news magazine. [People]
If you are curious: Yesterday charges were dropped against a congressional aide whom Lindsay Lohan accused of assaulting her — including choking — after she confronted him about pictures he was snapping in a hotel room. The police claim they couldn't find enough evidence of the assault, so they will not be proceeding. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that it was a man who works in politics vs. a troubled woman who works in entertainment. That seems like a level playing field. NOT. There could be some police indifference here. Or, y'know, maybe nothing did happen. Who knows. We weren't there, high up in the W Hotel, waiting for something to go wrong, thrilled when it did or sad when it didn't. We were too busy taking pictures of Anne Hathaway's dress from a black hot air balloon. [TMZ]
Taylor Swift thinks it's "presumptuous" of ex-boyfriend John Mayer to think that her hit song "Dear John" is about him. Yes, very presumptuous. How could he make that conclusion about a song that highlights an age difference in a romance, concerns a guy known for playing the field, and has the word "John" in the title? That is awfully presumptuous! It is as presumptuous as Taylor Swift's shocked reactions to winning awards are real. [Us Weekly]