Today in show business news: Miley Cyrus might be receiving a job offer she should refuse on principle, Spider-Man will swing again, and Greg Kinnear heads back to TV.
Good grief. Lifetime: Television For Murmuring To Yourself While Half Asleep During A Storm is slowly becoming TV's biggest troll. First they ludicrously cast troubled actress Lindsay Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor in an upcoming biopic, and now they're whispering about maybe casting Miley Cyrus, yes Wendy Wyoming or whatever herself, as Bonnie Parker in a miniseries about Bonnie & Clyde. Yeah, those guys. Like, Faye Dunaway's part. Miley Cyrus. Unbelievable! Look, there's no reason to actually hold up the Bonnie & Clyde story as some big fancy famous thing that needs Respect or anything, the only reason they have it is because that original movie was so good. So it's not the craziest outrage that Miley Virus might play the role, but something about it just reeks of trolling, doesn't it? Like, Miley Cyrus in a famous period role, when really all Miley Cyrus can do is pout and flail her arms while clacking her jaw. That's really all she ever did on Daisy Idaho or whatever the program was called. So this is just Lifetime being all "This miniseries will likely be garbage because of this casting but you're going to watch because of this casting so haha, jerks." That's all this is. It's not worth getting mad about. Don't feed the blah blahs, you get it. Still though. Still.... [Deadline]
From the Department of Um, No Duhhhh (everyone in that department is a real jerk) comes the news that Columbia Pictures is gonna go ahead and make a sequel to this summer's delightful The Amazing Spider-Man. Both director Marc Webb and dreamy star Andrew Garfield have signed on to do the thing, which will drop in May 2014. Emma Stone is still "in talks," but it seems likely she'll come back. Just back that dump truck full of money up to her house and she'll do it, guys. Obvs no details about the plot are available, but our guess is that it's just Garfield and Stone ragging on Tobey Maguire for two hours until he walks on and says "Yeah maybe you guys are the young hip ones but those movies made me really, really rich so whatevs bye." Sounds great! [The Hollywood Reporter]
Many guest starring roles and a miniseries or two later, TV guy turned movie guy Greg Kinnear is looking to head back to television full-time. Yup, the former Talk Soup host is set to star in a pilot, which could be exciting! Except, wait, what's it about? It's another goddamned legal show? Yes, it's an adaptation of an Australian legal show that is described as such: "Brilliant, iconoclastic and innately self-destructive, he has a mind-numbing lack of discretion and a total inability to pause before speaking his mind. From bigamists to cannibals and everything in between, the clients Cleaver loves the most are those whose cases appear to be utterly hopeless without him realizing that he, himself, is perhaps the most desperate case of all." Ohhh brother. So it's about a jerk who can't be polite to people and is annoying. It's House, Esq., essentially. Greg, really? You couldn't set your sights a little higher? I mean you were in that windshield wiper movie, for god's sake. You know you don't have to do conventional stuff! And this doesn't just sound conventional, it sounds painful. An aggressive prick lawyer who we're supposed to think is great. No thanks. HBO, make this man an offer, a non-lawyer show offer, please. [Deadline]
Speaking of lawyer shows about jerks, TNT has wisely decided to renew its lawyer show about jerks Franklin & Bash for a third season. The series, which stars Zack Morris and Travis Birkenstock, is apparently watched by a lot of young people, which has me more worried about the future of this nation than anything else. There's your story: Why Are America's Young People Watching 'Franklin & Bash'? Subhead: "A worrisome trend has sociologists scrambling to come up with solutions that might put our nation's younger generation back on the path to success." It's a big deal. This is the story of the year. Somebody crack this thing wide open. [The Hollywood Reporter]
Last night marked the debut of two new series, Elementary, that's CBS' modern Sherlock Holmes one with Lucy Liu as a lady Watson, and Last Resort, that's ABC's thing about the rogue submarine that sets up its own nuclear nation after some chicanery at the Pentagon. So how'd they do in the ratings? Well, Elementary did quite well, raking in 13 million viewers and a 3.1 rating. But Last Resort? Not so good, with 9.1 million people tuning in and a somewhat dismal 2.2. And that's for a pilot that, according to Entertainment Weekly, cost a cool $11 million. So, ABC might be a liiittle nervous about that one. It's hard to climb up from a just-OK opening, especially when each episode costs so much money. Elementary, on the other hand, should be just fine. Which is good. Because it's good! Yup, there, we said it. [Entertainment Weekly]