We realize there's only so much time one can spend in a day watching new trailers, viral video clips, and shaky cell phone footage of people arguing on live television. This is why every day The Atlantic Wire highlights the videos that truly earn your five minutes (or less) of attention. Today:

It is beyond us as to how to someone in a drunken state can remember the lyrics to one of the strangest songs in the universe. But that doesn't mean we don't enjoy when it happens.  We'll let YouTube User Brad55 explain himself

I'll break down to you exactly what happened, a play-by-play account. I came home, unbelievably intoxicated, I mean beyond drunk. I couldn't even, let's say, upload a video to Youtube. Then I walked upstairs and spotted in the hallway a video camera atop a tripod, pointed toward the floor. I had no choice. The only viable move was for me to start singing Kiss From a Rose to my cat, who I am very clearly abusing physically. That's the basic gist of it, hope I managed to clear things up a bit.

All we'll say is America, we can't be prouder of you:

We aren't sure if any animals were harmed in the making of this "promotion" for Hannah Montana Raccoon Repellant.  Actually, scratch that, we're not sure of anything in this world any more: 

If we could talk to your 12-year-old selves, we'd probably tell them to watch out for Laura since she's a life ruiner, that Steve will always aim for you during dodgeball, and that it won't matter that Steph rejected you because she is now in a loveless marriage and puts 50 Shades of Grey on her Good Reads updates. But that's because we're petty and we're not filmmaker Jeremiah Mcdonald, who orchestrated this brilliant interview with his 12-year-old self: 

And finally, wait. Is that pollen in the air? Sorry, one sec. Oh, we totally have something in our eyes and are definitely not getting emotional over the band Count serenading this man, who proposed to their lead singer, with a heart-breaking cover of Whitney Houston's "I Wanna Dance Somebody":