OK, let's just get to it, huh? Let's talk about Kristen Stewart and the Affair. We all know that it was revealed on Tuesday night that Stewart was caught stepping out on her boyfriend Robert Pattinson with her Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders and that yesterday she issued a very blunt, emotional apology. It was big news, and of course we're still reeling. Positively reeling! So the latest today is that Pattinson, who has apparently always been jealous of Kristen's other potential suitors, is "devastated" by the infidelity. It seems he knew about it as early as last week, as the couple was seen fighting backstage at the Teen Choice Awards, presumably about this whole business. Kristen allegedly begged the paparazzo who snapped the pics of her and Sanders kissing to delete them, but when it became clear that wasn't going to happen, she went and told Rob before it all got out. (Kristen, you have millions of dollars! Offer the pap some money!) Which was the right thing to do, obvs. [Page Six]

Stewart was photographed looking maybe a little teary in Los Angeles yesterday. Which, y'know, we can dig it. Be teary. Sucks that everyone's there to take your picture being teary, but be teary anyway. Stewart plans to write a letter to Sanders' wife, after wisely deciding that a public apology was not the way to go. Who knows what the wife will say, but at least Stewart will have apologized. (Boy, we really should butt out of these people's lives, huh? What is wrong with us? Oh, right, this is the most exciting thing to happen in our lives since Spider-Man was good, so what can you do.) [Daily Mail]

Meanwhile, Us Weekly, which broke this whole big terrible story, is now stuck looking at Stewart's old magazine interviews and trying to find telling quotes. How'd they do? Oh, not so well. But at least the quotes are interesting, if not illuminating. Kristen talks about smoking pot! She's a rebel! And that's fun. Really, isn't that the weirdest thing about all of this? That it almost makes her more interesting and likable? She cheated on one of the most lusted-after men in the world. You go, girl. Sucks the other dude is married and has kids, but is that really her bag? That seems much more like his bag. Let's not blame her for that. Also, she's 22? So maybe we should figure, "Hey, 22-year-old kids sometimes do oopsies in their relationships." This is a thing that happens, y'know. You remember 22. It's a miracle anyone makes it out of there alive. So just keep on keepin' on, Kiki. Things will all work out. You're rich! Go to Bali for a while or something. Go live in Paris. Do whatever the hell you want. Eat a sandwich. Who knows. Go to Taco Bell. Move to the Outer Banks. You can literally do anything. So go do it. [Us Weekly]

It was Jennifer Lopez's 43rd birthday yesterday and she had a surprise party on a yacht in the Hudson River. She was blindfolded and brought there by her boyfriend, 25-year-old peep show attendee Casper Smart, and when she took it off all her friends on the boat yelled "Happy Birthday!" and a hired musician played a xylophone made of Marc Anthony's bones. (Marc Anthony just draped himself over a table, pulled up his shirt, pointed to his ribs and said "Play me, man! Play me!") The party went until 4am and at one point J.Lo got behind the bar and started serving people shots of tequila. Casper gave her a diamond necklace that he bought with the allowance money he'd saved up and a pink teddybear, because apparently "bear" is a pet name the couple has for each other. Casper was all tuckered out by the time the party ended, so J.Lo carried him home and tucked him into bed and put her cool, soothing hand on his forehead and said, "You had a big day, buddy, huh? Big day. Went on a boat. Listened to music. It was a good day. A good, good day." She then kissed the top of his head and left the room, leaving the door open just a little like Casper likes it, so he can see the light in the hallway and know that he's not alone in the big, sleeping nighttime house. [Page Six]

Apparently the U.S. women's beach volleyball team has heard that Prince Harry, lion lord of British sexualism, duke of doin' it, count of c... you next tuesdays, plans to attend some beach volleyball matches, and they are excited. They really want to meet him, and have already reached out to him on Twitter and Facebook, but to no avail. Ladies, ladies. Just wait. Just cool out. Harry will come to you. No need to go to Harry. He'll come to you. And when he does, you'll know it. You dizzy dames have no idea what you're in for. "Do you smell cologne and money?" "Yeah I do, that's wei— Ohhh god! It's happening! Kristi, it's happeninggggg!!!!" There is no expecting it. Just wait for it to come. And then it will. And you will. Everyone will. [People]

Everyone thought Mariah Carey's backstage demands for American Idol were going to be insane, because making insane demands is what Mariah Carey does, but they're not. She's been known in the past to request things like baskets of kittens and puppies and to refuse to walk up or down stairs, but her Idol rider apparently asks for very little. Just some drinks and food and whatnot. Pretty standard. Sure she had Ryan Seacrest fired and replaced with Nick Cannon, but really she's hardly been a diva at all. Good for her. Mimi may finally be emancipated. [Page Six]