Welcome to the Smart Set. Every morning we bring you the gossip coverage, filtered. Today: Swift and Mayer almost face off, Jada Pinkett eats weird, and Karl Lagerfeld has a cat.

Awwwkward alert!! Sex-based singer John Mayer recently told Rolling Stone that forest creature Taylor Swift writing the song "Dear John," a negative song about their breakup, was "a really lousy thing for her to do." The story got a lot of attention, so it was very uncomfortable on Tuesday night when Swift walked into a restaurant in LA and there was Mayer sitting at another table having a meal. Naturally the two engaged in a knock-down, drag-out fight, glassware shattering everywhere, Swift hurling Mayer through a wall, Mayer clanging two serving trays against Swift's ears, etc. Well, no, actually Swift just asked to be seated at the other end of the restaurant. That town ain't big enough for the two of them, it seems. Somebody's gotta move. Which one will it be?? Another fun bit of this story is that apparently there were a bunch of drunk girls at the restaurant's bar that night, and as they were ushered out someone said "What do those girls think this is, Soho House?" Haha, nice burn, random restaurant goer. Breaking: LA remains the worst. [Page Six]

Completely normal Earth human, pay no attention to the tentacles and strange whirring sound, Karl Lagerfeld apparently has a new kitten, and that cat has two maids and uses an iPad. The cat, named Choupette, also is a lieutenant on Lagerfeld's mission to conquer Earth has a (probably unofficial) Twitter account. So that is one fancy cat. When reached for comment about his pet, Lagerfeld responded, "Glark glak blook blorp, Earthlings! Uh, excuse me, I mean, sorry, haha, I love my cat very much. End communication." [New York Daily News]

Actress Jada Pinkett Smith recently said in an interview that she doesn't "eat for pleasure." Nope, she says she had a grandmother who "taught me that you don't eat for taste, you eat for nourishment." Sounds like a fun grandma! And a fun way to be alive. "Jada, have a cookie." "No, no, it would be wasted on me. I'm fine with my kale stalks here, thanks." I mean, has Jada Pinkett Smith ever had a cheeseburger? Pizza? Mashed potatoes ordered from a diner that she eats while lying on her couch and watching Teen Wolf??? Not that anyone we know has done that recently, no sir, but just hypothetically. You know. [Us Weekly]

Olivia Munn is apparently dating The Killing actor Joel Kinnaman, because Olivia Munn inexplicably gets everything and we get nothing. Nothing! Curse you, Munn. [Page Six]

Angelina Jolie quietly celebrated her 37th birthday at the mansion in Surrey, England that she and her boo Brad Pitt are currently renting. It was a staid affair, just family and some cake. (Jada, cake is a baked substance that tastes sweet and often has frosting, a kind of spreadable sugar, on it.) So a nice, simple, happy affair. The only hiccup was when Jolie briefly doubled over at the table, complaining of a sudden pain in her abdomen, while, thousands of miles away, Jennifer Aniston took another gulp of wine, smiled strangely, and shoved the needle further into the doll. [Us Weekly]

Hot young rapper Azealia Banks, 21, is reportedly dating her 40-something-year-old manager, Dave Holmes. (Not that Dave Holmes, a different Dave Holmes.) Banks has said that she is into older men, so this situation would fit the bill. So, sorry all you indie rapper fanboys (and girls) who have been planning in your head just what you'd say to her if you met her after a show, the perfect line or compliment or whatever that would win her over. You're gonna have to grow up a little first. Being a kid stinks. [New York Daily News]

The Duke of Cambridge/Prince William has qualified to lead helicopter missions on his own for the RAF, so, well done Wills. Meanwhile, Harry has qualified for a free T-shirt at J.J. McSwiggin's pub after winning the bar's annual kissing contest and placing first in the kamikaze shots race. Congratulations to them both. [People]