Welcome to the Smart Set. Every morning we bring you the gossip coverage, filtered. Today: Harry and Kate are the best of friends, Leonardo DiCaprio wears a mask, and someone prefers Katy to Russell.

Prince Harry, England's top sex ambassador and heir to the monarchy should his brother William disappear while hangliding or something else completely unforeseen, is a big fan of his sister-in-law, party supply heiress Kate Middleton. He actually simply refers to her as a sister, and often goes to her for advice and to tell her ribald jokes. So it's a very cute relationship, one I'm sure that William is thrilled with. Of course should William go missing while hiking in Cascades National Park or some other completely random event like that, Harry will sweep in, take Kate as a wife, and rule the British Isles with an iron fist, putting bastards into the bellies of every scullery maid from St. Ives to Aberdeen and drinking his fill of meads and lagers every night. Ah, to be the king! [Us Weekly]

Leonardo DiCaprio has been wearing a hat and a bushy beard around New York recently, as a way of disguising himself maybe, but he went one step further after seeing the interactive site-specific play Sleep No More in Chelsea. Everyone wears masks while they walk through the show but then typically take them off in the lobby bar of the hotel where the play is set, but Leo kept his on even there. He hung out and "partied" and whatnot, but the mask stayed firmly on. Of course that we're reading about this this morning means it completely didn't work, but oh well. Basically if you see a guy walking down the street in Manhattan with a weird mask on and some six-foot-tall toothpick of a model on his arm, it's probably Leonardo DiCaprio. Or it's a crazy person kidnapping a model, so just be aware of that possibility before you ask the guy for an autograph. [Page Six]

Someone has defaced a billboard advertising Russell Brand's new FX talk show, writing "I would rather watch the Katy Perry movie" on it in big letters. Which we're going to take to mean that the prospect of watching Russell Brand's show is so miserable that this graffitist would rather watch the Katy Perry 3D concert movie, which promises to be utterly miserable, than sit through Brand's show. That's what it means, right? That both are bad? It's not some very literal renegade Katy Perry fan, right? Not someone who is plainly responding to the billboard, saying, "No, thank you, I would rather watch your ex-wife's movie. But thank you for informing me of this show." One hopes it's not that person, because that person would be crazier than the model-stealing mad masked man. And that's pretty crazy. [TMZ]

Clothes maven and longtime Sex and the City costumer (yes, we have her to thank for all of that) Patricia Field went to a special screening of Bob Fosse's Sweet Charity at the W Downtown last night, and during a pre-show panel discussion featuring Isaac Mizrahi and Derek Blasberg (New York is the worst, just the worst), she started yelling to the guys on stage and participating in the conversation. So it just goes to show you: She may have put Carrie Bradshaw in all those wild clothes, and she may own a cool store downtown full of trendy things, but Patricia Field is just a kooky old lady talking when she wants to talk just like kooky old ladies the world over. The great equalizer. [Page Six]

Aw nuts. David Beckham, high-voiced husband of English sorceress Victoria Poshspice, has been left off the English Olympic soccer team. Yup, he didn't make the cut. Guess at 37 he's getting a little over the hill. Sad story. Sadder still that, since nobody can find William after he went on a hunting trip and Harry has been made temporary heir, Beckham will now be beheaded in front of all at the Olympic opening ceremonies. "This is the price for your shame," Harry bellowed as he handed Beckham his sentence. "Yes m'lord," Beckham chirped and was dragged out of the great hall. Harry threw his empty goblet to the ground. "More wine!" he barked. "And bring me a wench. No. No! Bring me Pippa..." [People]