The Call Sheet sifts through the day's glut of Hollywood news to find the stories even non-industry types care about. Today: TNT has new hit, Jeanne Tripplehorn slums, and Judy Greer gets serious.

The Ewings are back in business! Last night's sorta silly premiere of TNT's new Dallas update came rootin' tootin' outta the gate, earning 6.9 million viewers, more than any other basic cable premiere this year. Obviously there were a good deal of looky-loos who tuned in to see what Patrick Duffy is looking like these days and who likely won't watch again, but still TNT should be mighty happy. Throw your ten-gallons up in the air, y'all! You've struck eyeballs! Yup, a spewing cascade of eyeballs rushing out of the ground and showering down on TNT execs as they dance in the rain. The rain of eyeballs. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Oh, Jeanne, no. The wonderful Jeanne Tripplehorn, who should have received far more accolades for her sensational work on Big Love than she did, has joined the cast of Criminal Minds for its eighth season. Jeanne, lady, whatcha doin'? You can do better than some raggedy procedural in its eighth season! You are far better than that! What is the matter with you, TV people, that you would let Jeanne Tripplehorn slip through the cracks and land on a pile of gnarled old corpses like this? Bad looking out, TV. Bad looking out. [Entertainment Weekly]

Judy Greer has been cast as the kindly gym teacher who tries to help the weird girl with deadly telekinetic powers in Kimberly Peirce's remake of Knot's Landing Carrie. Which is interesting casting! Greer usually does comedy, or sometimes wistful dramedy (ugh), but very rarely straight up serious stuff like this. Despite some casting wonkiness (Chloe Moretz as Carrie? Incorrect), we are weirdly excited to see this movie. I mean, Julianne Moore is Carrie's crazy mother. And Smash's Megan Hilty is in it for some reason. Doesn't that sound interesting? Kinda? Just us? OK. [Deadline]

Oscar winner and all around dashing Frenchman Jean Dujardin may be taking a role in Martin Scorsese's The Wolf of Wall Street. He would play "a money-laundering Swiss banker." OK, that works! Good thing he's Swiss, because I don't think we're quite ready for Jean Dujardin to start fiddling with an American accent. Not just yet. We gotta keep up the whole French mystique for a little while longer. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Rejoice, Brooklyn comedy nerds and bookish types. There might be a Bored to Death movie in the works at HBO. Break out the cave-aged cheese and the Grüner Veltliner and have yourselves a little celebration. [Vulture]

Here is a trailer for the latest Resident Evil movie, the seven-hundredth in the series. Everything's normal for Alice and then it's zombies. Everything's good, and then oops it's zombies. Sad story.