Thursday I wrote an innocent post, proffering an opinion. It was just the opinion of one blogger, since despite the use of "we," I do not intend to speak for all of my Atlantic Wire colleagues, who are diverse in their opinions, especially on the topic I chose to write about. I came down against the corgi, a breed known for its short legs, long, low body, and fox (or uncle-like, as I put it), face. I listed other characteristics, and the reasons they disturbed me, in the post.
Alas, I had no idea what sacred grounds I was trampling upon. The aggressive and staunch corgi lobby came out in full force (81 comments!) to demand a retraction, to demand that I be fired, to call me a poor journalist. To think that my years in canine reporter school might end with this post, which, as mentioned, was simply one dog-hating blogger's wee opinion, if even it was that. (Could it be possible that I actually like corgis? I'll never tell!) Some might call the post trolling; others would not know what that word, nor the word "farce," nor the phrase "extended Internet metaphor" even means. And still others, like Matt Stopera of Buzzfeed, were being asked to go on HLN (TV news!) to explain CorgiWars to the general populace of America, meaning The Atlantic Wire can only expect more corgi hate. Well, bring it.
Fast forward to 2:30, where the corgi defense begins. Does it seem a bit forced to you? (Discuss among yourselves!) Can one feel this purely uncynical and unbiased about a short-legged beast that poops in public? (Discuss among yourselves!) Is Matt Stopera a true corgi-lover, or perhaps...perhaps...a corgi lobbyist, paid for by the Pro-Corgi Committees of America, or the corgi SuperPAC? (We know what that "C" at the end stands for, dog-lovers!). Or, even worse, might Stopera be a corgi himself, a corgi in disguise? We hear they walk among us! One thing that's certain is that he's not using the corgi, using the corgi for "news," using the corgi for "pageviews," for that would be untoward, and unInternetlike. Good sportsmanship is everything here. We must all strive to be the people our corgis think we are!
That's precisely why we refuse to apologize. (We = I.) It would set a poor standard for the Internet, for posterity, for corgi lovers who must learn to cope with the fact that not everyone adores their adored breed. I refuse to say sorry for my corgi-baiting, and my corgi-lovers baiting. Your dog is short! It may be lovable, but it looks like something that lives under a bridge and comes out only cover of night to eat wet squishy things in the grass! I will never apologize for what I said about corgis, just as you will never apologize for calling me a terrible dog journalist. And that is something I will have to live with for the rest of my days. Or at least, until happy hour. P.S.: We prefer to be called "The Atlantic Wire" when disparaged for our views on corgis.
Always. With love and corgi-snacks.
Image via Shutterstock by Sergey Lavrentev.