Hollywood dreadnaught Ryan Murphy has announced plans to make a movie musical with Gwyneth Paltrow, Cameron Diaz, and Reese Witherspoon, based on an idea they had at dinner. Yeah, apparently they were all eating supper at Soho House, the faaabulous social club where everyone faaabulous hangs out, and they decided they wanted to do something together so they came up with One Hit Wonders, about a trio of washed-up '90s singers forming a supergroup, right there at dinner. How about that!
And then, because Hollywood is a town like this, Murphy pitched it to Sony's Amy Pascal and after 10 minutes she was like "Yupppp it's a go." So, that's just how that works! Amazing, really. The Lonely Island (Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone, Akiva Schaffer) are going to write the songs for it, Glee's Brad Falchuk and Ian Brennan are going to help out with the script, Beyonce, yes Beyonce, is going to co-star, and now they're going to make the damn thing in the fall or something and that's that. Guys, it is that easy to get a movie made in Hollywood! Even a musical starring two relative non-singers and, to some at least, the world's most reviled Goop-based celebrity. All you have to do beforehand to ensure a swift green light is direct such critically beloved fare as Running with Scissors and Eat Pray Love and have din-dins with your galpals. That's all the prep you need.
So are you excited for such a movie, this One Hit Wonders? It's basically an adult Glee mixed with a jokey DreamGirls all roughly based on the seminal VH1 series Mission: Man Band. Sounds pretty special, right? Don't you wish you had been at that dinner at Soho House so you too could be part of this experience, with Reese scrunching up her face and Cam'ron D. doing her patented honk-laugh and Gwynnie shimmering there in the candlelight, visible only when the glow hit her just right? Woulda been nice. But, instead you weren't there. You were stuck out here with the rest of us mud-monsters. And though we may mock the movie now, you'd better believe we'll allll be lining up to pay 15 space bucks to see this thing in the future. It's going to happen. It is inevitable. We are powerless against it.