A mostly unsourced rumor has been floating around these internets recently claiming that congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-Disturbia) was offered a spot on the upcoming season of ABC's glitter 'n' gunk "celebrity" fest, Dancing With the Stars. But she's not, OK? Whatever the origin, Bachmann has now released a statement asserting "despite my tenth grade polka success and my lifelong love of ballroom dancing, the recent rumors are false. I will not be joining Dancing with the Stars." Nuts.

Where did this rumor come from? Perhaps from this HollywoodLife post from a month ago that included Bachmann in the producers' apparent dream roster. But notice that her statement today doesn't deny being offered a shot of dancing, which was the actual rumor. No one was saying "Michele Bachmann WILL be on Dancing With the Stars," they were just saying she'd been offered a slot. But Bachmann wouldn't want to address it that way, whether she was given an offer or not, because it's better for her to live in a world where there is no question that she would be considered for Dancing With the Stars but that she would, of course, turn it down to focus on all her you-the-people, sleeve-rolling stuff. It's win-win, really. She demonstrates that she has higher priorities while never shedding doubt on the idea that she's famous and in-demand. Well played, Michele! (Though, she did maybe reveal that she's been reading things like HollywoodLife and USA Today in her post-campaign downtime, so she gets points off for that.)

Pizza tycoon Herman Cain was also supposedly offered a space on the show (this we can believe a little bit more) but has also stated that he won't be dancing for Tom Bergeron's pleasure. Oh well! That could have been fun, all weird grins and jokes about the pizza box-step.

We probably shouldn't count either of them out of the reality game just yet though. Just imagine the possibilities! The right genius reality TV producer just needs to create the perfect project and we're sure one or both will say yes. Maybe some sort of oddjobs show called Cain Is Able? Or, even more exciting, Michele and Marcus Take San Francisco. Someday, hopefully!