The Call Sheet sifts through the day's glut of Hollywood news to find the stories even non-industry types care about. Today: Ryan Seacrest makes a TV network, Lifetime's bad parenting sensation grows and grows, and Glee gets its gay dads.

Oh dear god. How many horsemen are in that end-of-days thing? Four? Well, here they might be. Billionaire Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, millionaire Paula Abdul-owner Ryan Seacrest, concert promoting company AEG (companies are people!!), and CAA are all teaming up to create a new cable television channel called AXS (like "access," but cooler). No, it's not just a flashy platform for Robin Byrd and other crazies, it's an actual channel with original programming focusing on pop culture for "entertainment aficionados." Its flagship show will be called AXS Live and will be "SportsCenter for pop culture and music," according to Mark Cuban. So... how's about I get the gasoline and you guys go to the market and get the cans and stuff and we'll meet by the marina and steal a boat or something and just, who knows, try to make it to Tristan da Cunha or something? Because this is just... Yikes. [The Los Angeles Times]

If you haven't had enough of the psycho-mania of Lifetime's hit reality series Dance Moms, if you crave, nay simply need, more overbearing horror-moms and a dance instructor who loudly takes "pride of the fact" that all her boys are "very masculine", then you are in luck! Lifetime has decided to go ahead and order a Miami-set spin-off of the series. So while you won't be getting more of insane dance-monster Abby Lee Miller, there will be two new instructors, two men it seems, to watch in horror as they terrorize young people and then the moms terrorize everyone and the kids' eyes go hard and glassy and you can almost hear the sound of their poor, fragile young souls atrophying, dying out, disappearing, being replaced with some kind of cold, black machine. Yes, there will be more of all that! And aren't we a lucky nation for it. [Vulture]

Here is a short rundown of ten films at this year's Sundance Film Festival that are likely to find buyers. There's a Bernie Madoffian drama starring Richard Gere and Susan Sarandon, the movie adaptation of Leslye Headland's terrifically bleak (and just plain terrific) play Bachelorette, a drama about Kate Bosworth being lost in the woods (A Rescuer: "All I see are sticks!" Another Rescuer: "Just look for sticks that are blonde and moving, those'll be her!"), Rashida Jones and Andy Samberg in a romantic comedy about exes and co-written by Jones called Celeste and Jesse Forever, and a documentary about the West Memphis Three (sure to be a comedy crowd-pleaser!). So basically these are some of the movies that your annoying friends will insist you have to see sometime this year, acting all incredulous that you haven't already seen them, and you'll just nod and say "Yeah, OK, maybe I'll go," and then you'll just buy your ticket to The Avengers anyway because screw that. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Glee, America's most revolutionary cultural institution, has finally cast the role of Rachel Berry's "gay dads." Do you need the "gay" part of that? If you just say "Rachel's dads," isn't the implication there? We suppose there could be a step-dad or a highly realistic My Two Dads situation at work, but most of the time it's probably pretty safe to assume that the "gay" part is a given. Anyway, yes, they've been cast: They are, of all people, Trapper John M.D. star and frequent $100,000 Pyramid celebrity teammate Brian Stokes Mitchell and professional oddity Jeff Goldblum! That's pretty eclectic casting right there. But that's good. We were maybe quietly hoping it was going to be Stefan and Scott from Best in Show, what with Jane Lynch's Christopher Guest connections and all, but this will do. Grudgingly well done, Glee. [TVLine]

Meet the cast of the new season of Survivor, subtitled One World. Included are a gay Republican, a champion horse-rider of some sort, and a little person. The twist this season is that it's men vs. women again and that the two tribes will all be inhabiting the same space instead of two separate camps. Uh oh! Will there be fights? Angrily charged hookups? Dogs and cats living together? Who knows! Survivor is one of those shows we always mean to watch every season but then miss the first episode and there's no point after that, but we will try to remember this time. February 15th. OK. Here we go. [Entertainment Weekly]

Scottish power-witch Tilda Swinton and handsome former dance-boy Jamie Bell have both been cast in the upcoming Chan-wook Park (Oldboy) movie Snow Piercer, joining the already cast Chris Evans. The movie is about "a world covered in snow and ice" and "follows a train full of travelers who struggle to co-exist." So, let's guess. Tilda Swinton plays the snow and ice? Haha, we kid. But seriously, it is kind of cool to think about Tilda Swinton in a survivalist drama. It's one step closer to our Tilda Swinton dream project, a zombie movie set in an abandoned amusement park in which she plays all the parts. One lurching step closer! (Also, heyyy Billy Elliot.) [Variety]

Two actors have just been cast in Sarah Silverman's high-profile NBC pilot. They are: Comedian and writer (Casey Wilson's writing partner, actually) June Diane Raphael, and Harris Wittels, a Parks & Recreation writer and comedian who is also the curator of the notorious and fearsome @Humblebrag Twitter feed. Hm. So what if he accidentally Humblebrags about this exciting new gig? Will Twitter just wink out of existence? That would probably be a good thing for all of us. Make it happen, Wittels. [Deadline]

Did Steve Carell make a cameo on his old show The Office last week? That is what some people are saying based on this screenshot from the bar trivia scene. It sure looks like him! Maybe he was just in the neighborhood so he stopped by and they slapped this beard on him and that was that. Or maybe there's just a guy who looks like Steve Carell in a fake beard and every time he's at bars and restaurants people come up to him and say "Hey, funny fake beard, Steve Carell," and they pull on it, and it hurts the guy because he's not Steve Carell and the beard is real. Where do we think Occam's Razor falls down on that one? [The New York Post, via Vulture]

While we're on our way to Tristan da Cunha (remember? the plan?) we can watch a DVD of Sassy Pants, a new indie with a new trailer. So yeah, yeah the girl from Awkward. is in it and so is Anna Gunn from Breaking Bad and the dude from Drew Carey (not Drew Carey, the other dude, no the other dude — not Mimi!), that's all well and good, but the really important fact about this is that Haley Joel Osment, yes the little dead people-seeing robot squirt from yesteryear, is in this movie playing the sassy twink boytoy of the dude from Drew Carey. And, wooftie, if you ever thought that was a sentence you were going to read in the year of our Lord two-thousand and twelve, well, you're sager than some, that's for sure. Anyway, enjoy. [via EW]