The Call Sheet sifts through the day's glut of Hollywood news to find the stories even non-industry types care about. Today: Russell Simmons is advertising on All-American Muslim, Glenn Beck is sending a family into the wild, and G.I. Joe returns.
All-around mogul Russell Simmons has decided to fight the stupid protest against TLC's All American Muslim by buying the ad time that home good store Lowe's dropped after the Florida Family Association claimed the show is propaganda that will lead to Sharia law being implemented in America. Which, good for Russell Simmons? Sure, that's fine. Even if he is just trying to sell his RushCard, a prepaid Visa card. (Yup.) But really the bigger issue is, good grief, why did we teach idiots the word "Sharia"? That was a big mistake on our part. Remember when we taught idiots the word "media" and that got all out of hand? As in reality stars complaining about things being "in the media'? We should have learned our lesson then about teaching dummies buzz words, but apparently we didn't. So they learned Sharia and now everything about Muslims is Sharia. Muslim getting ice cream? Sharia. Muslim waiting in line at the Gap? Sharia. Muslim jumping on a pogo stick in their own backyard? Highest Sharia. It will just never end. (Well it will end when Sharia kills us all, but other than that it will never end.) [The Wrap]
Speaking of crazy people, Glenn Beck's new GBTV internet channel thing (no one knows what it is) will have a new reality show starting in January called Independence USA about a guy trying to teach his family to be survivalists. Like, in case of Red Dawn or something. The guy, Frank Belcastro, assures us he's not crazy, but we're not so sure. Knowing how to fend for yourself? Sure, that's a good thing! No one's knocking self-sufficiency. But doing so because you have a fear that someday "there will be no grid"? Eh, that's a leeeetle crazy. And of course Glenn Beck loves it, because he probably imagines that he too would be the ultimate survivor man, provided he still has his padded litter carried by interns and his chests full of Kraft products. Given those few bare essentials he, like Frank Belcastro, could last for literal days after the apocalypse. [Deadline]
Here's the basic news: Mark Moses, who's on Desperate Housewives and played poor sad drunk Duck on Mad Men, has been cast on the next season of AMC's The Killing. OK, sure, whatever. Here's the more complicated news: "Moses will play Lt. Carlson, a new detective who joins the Seattle police department and the investigation into Rosie's death. He will appear in at least eight episodes." AT LEAST EIGHT EPISODES of THE INVESTIGATION INTO ROSIE'S DEATH?? We're still not going to know who killed Rosie for at least eight episodes?? Way to go, you ridiculous show. No wonder we named it one of the year's worst. "Who killed Rosie Larsen? Oh, you want to know because that's what all the ads said? Well, sorry, we're not going to tell you that, but aren't you interested in the ins and outs of the Seattle mayoral race? Everyone cares about that. Oh, and are you hungry? Have some of this red herring. There's lots of it." [THR]
Oh dear. Lifetime: Television for Not-So-Gay Divorcees has canceled their sexy cop series Against the Wall because of low ratings. Low ratings? On Lifetime? Yikes. Really it's quite a mystery why this show failed, with all its sexy ads about sex. Did you see those things? Just sex, sex, a little more sex, then some frowning, then Treat Williams, and then just more sex. Apparently lady cops have a lot of sex! Sometimes against the wall. (Get the title now?) Guess even sex has its limits. Oh well. Time for Lifetime's new sexy doctor show, On the Floor, followed by a scintillating lawyer series, In the Backseat of Ricky Dinkins' Mom's Oldsmobile After the Semi-Formal. [Variety]
Here's the first trailer for the actioner G.I. Joe: Retaliation, a romantic drama about two school friends from Eton who set off across Victorian Europe searching for adventure and enlightenment but, in the end, finding each other. Well, no, OK, that's not what it's about, not really anyway. It's about guns and swords and motorcycles and hot babes. One of those hot babes is poor Adrianne Palicki, who really needs to get a new agent or something. Girl is so good, and yet girl keeps getting put in these junk roles. Not that this is junk, no of course not, the 2012 Oscar race is beginning early with this one, but still.
Winona Ryder, recently seen playing a crazy maybe killer in Black Swan, will be playing a killer's wife in The Iceman, an indie drama starring Michael Shannon and Chris Evans. Good for Winona Ryder! It's always nice when she books roles. Well, OK, no. It was not good when she booked Mr. Deeds or The Informers, but this sounds like a good one. Just think, at this rate in ten years she'll be back to her Autumn in New York glory days. Wait. [Deadline]
Legendary Pictures has suddenly postponed production on their big Paradise Lost movie indefinitely. Filming was supposed to start in January in Australia, but now that might not happen until spring or summer, if ever. Oh no! Now we might never get to see Bradley Cooper as Lucifer. Or Camilla Belle as Eve. Or this dude as Adam, walking around in a fig leaf. Actually, one of those is an actual shame. Maybe the whole thing is a shame. Chances are the movie would have turned an important old poem into a silly action picture, but there was still something interesting about it. And now it might be dead in the water. A small tragedy. [Deadline]