When the news broke last week that a poster on a message board frequented by al-Qaeda called for David Letterman's tongue to be removed, urging followers "to cut the tongue of this lowly Jew and shut it forever," we knew the Late Show host would have a ball with the threat--and the fact that online radicals have somehow convinced themselves that Letterman's Jewish. On his first show back, he explained his lateness to the crowd during the opening monologue. "I’m so sorry, I’m a little late coming out," said Letterman. "Backstage, I was talking to the guy from CBS. We were going through the CBS life insurance policy to see if I was covered for jihad." Then, somehow, he got in a dig at Jay Leno and NBC.

He followed that with a "Top Ten" list of "Thoughts That Went Through My Head After Hearing About The Threat" that really started to hum toward the end. Our favorites: "No. 4: How can someone be so angry when Kim Kardashian is so happy" and "No. 2: This seems like Leno's handiwork" and "No 1: Oh my God, they cancelled The George Lopez Show!"