Prince William and Kate Middleton will be married in two days. Until then, royal-fatigued media outlets will have to keep coming up with new and highly-specific ways of covering the wedding. Here are some of the ways newspapers managed to keep the couple and the ceremony in the news. Here's the T-minus 2 update. Check back tomorrow for T-minus 1, and check out past installments here.
"Tony Blair and Gordon Brown royal wedding 'snub' row" -- BBC
Anyone attends the ceremony in the hopes of seeing the two former Labour leaders engage in one of their patented petty squabbles is out of luck. Neither Blair nor Brown was invited, though Conservative predecessors John Major and Margaret Thatcher were. St. James Palace officials say the snub isn't a snub and Blair and Brown weren't invited because they haven't been knighted yet. Labour leaders, meanwhile, say it's all part of a plot by Prime Minister David Cameron to punish his rivals by denying them entrance to fancy formal events.
"Westminster Abbey's big religious tent" -- The Washington Post
Prince William and Kate Middleton aren't just getting married at Westminster Abbey because it's big, convenient, and what his parents did. It's also the only venue in England that has the "transcendent meaning to fit into the event." Even the gothic architecture "reveals a divine cosmos overarching the early realm." Also, lots of famous dead people are buried there.
Royal wedding not shown on BBC big screen in Belfast -- BBC
We can think of several reasons why the Irish, even the Northern Irish, might not flock to a public screening of the royal wedding, none of which apparently have anything to do with this story. The giant screen erected outside Belfast City Hall has been having "operational issues" and is still three weeks away from being fixed. Local merchants are even blasting the city council for squandering a "golden opportunity" to attract visitors.
"The royal wedding could be held in New York City with help from renowned caterers, locations" -- New York Daily News
What if English royalty decided to get married in America? It could happen! If it happens (when it does), New York City has them covered. The Standard Hotel can host the after-party, out-of-town guests can stay at The Pierre and the St. Regis, and the Cathedral of St. John the Divine can host the ceremony.
"London tabloid reveals Kate Middleton's wedding nightmare" -- USA Today
It's that she's naked in front of the congregation, according to The Sun. Less remarkable than the scoop, to American eyes, was the illustration that accompanied the item ("with her 'bum' censored by The Sun with a drawing of a crown") and the fact it was attributed to a "royal source," unnamed of course. America's hotel lobby paper of record marveled: "How do they get this stuff?"