McDonald's does not serve healthy food. This fact has been discussed at length in multiple books and films. For all the chain's recent talk about offering "healthy options," it will always be the birthplace of the McRib and the Shamrock shake. In other words, most people know what they're in for when they see those golden arches.

New York Times food blogger Mark Bittman is not one of those people. Specifically, Bittman is outraged--outraged--by the quality of the oatmeal McDonald's introduced earlier this year. Per Bittman, the chain has taken a "promising lifesaver" of a foodstuff and is "doing everything it can to turn oatmeal into yet another bad choice." How? By adding sinister, unhealthy ingredients like apples, cranberries, and raisins to the dish. Cranberries! They might as well serve plutonium, beer-battered, in sulfuric acid.

And don't even think about saying you think the chain's oatmeal actually tastes good. That's just a sign you're "addicted to sickly sweet foods, which is what this bowlful of wholesome is." Bittman reports one serving of contains "more sugar than a Snickers bar and only 10 fewer calories than a McDonald’s cheeseburger or Egg McMuffin."

Things brings Bittman McDonald's plan for global gastronomical domination. "Here's the thing," he explains, "McDonald’s wants to get people in the store. Once a day, once a week, once a month, the more the better, of course, but routinely."

Kind of like how The New York Times wants you to buy their newspaper. The more the better. And maybe a Boston Globe while you're at it. Good grief: the capitalists are everywhere.