No one knows exactly which of Charlie Sheen's crazy statements on Thursday finally convinced CBS to shutdown Two and a Half Men
for the rest of the season. It could've been any number of colorful
utterances from his freewheeling, self-imploding interview with radio host Alex Jones. All we
have is CBS's vague statement that they are halting production for the rest of the season on his sitcom "based on the totality of Sheen's statements, conduct and condition."
When mere words take down a series that was the most-watched comedy in prime-time and generated $155.1 million in revenues, that's quite a feat. So here's a breakdown of the most explosive remarks that forced CBS's hand:
Sheen on Sheen: "I'm bayonets. I'm battle-tested bayonets... I got magic and poetry in my fingertips. ... I'm an F-18 bro and I will destroy you in the air."
Sheen on Chuck Lorre (the co-creator of Two and a Half Men): "I embarrassed him in front of his children and the world by healing at a pace that this un-evolved mind cannot process... I've spent, I think, close to the last decade, I don't know, effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold. And the gratitude I get is this charlatan chose not to do his job, which is to write."
Sheen on the Transient Women in His Life: "If I bring up these turds, these... losers, there's no reason to then bring them back into the fold because I have real fame, they have nothing. They have zero. They have that night. And I will forget about them as the last image of them exits my beautiful home. And they will get out there and they will sell me and they will lose. ... Bring me a frickin' challenge. It just ain't there."
Sheen on People Who Gossip About Him: They lay down with their ugly wives and their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and say, 'I can't process it.' Well, no, and you never will! Stop trying! Just sit back and enjoy the show... I'm dealing with fools and trolls. I'm dealing with soft targets, and it's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee
Sheen on Alcoholics Anonymous: "I can't use
the word sober because that's a term from those people, and I have
cleansed myself. I have closed my eyes and in a nanosecond I cured
myself from this ridiculous model of disease ... It's just the work of
sissies. The only thing I'm addicted to right now is winning. You know?
This bootleg cult arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous now
supports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100 percent. Do
the math! ... One of their stupid mottos is 'Don't be special, be one of
us.' Newsflash: I am special and I will never be one of you."