Mopey novelist Jonathan Franzen was attending a book party in foggy London town yesterday when two Brits (we can only assume!) snatched the author's glasses right off his face. One fled, while the other (no doubt a fellow chimney sweep, or possibly a boot-black) handed Franzen a note that read, according to The Book Seller, "$100,000 – Your glasses are yours again!”

Not taking any chances, a police helicopter (yes, a police helicopter) was dispatched to find the suspects, one of whom was found hiding in--wait for it--Kensington Gardens. The glasses were promptly returned to the visiting American, who declined to press charges.

He did, however, reserve the right to spend ten years brooding over the incident.