Here's a buzz kill. According to a new study, simply holding an alcoholic beverage makes you appear less intelligent. It doesn't matter if you're nursing a Miller High Life or swirling a Cabernet Savignon: people will think you're dumber than they would normally. The new findings come from researchers at the University of Michigan and the University of Pennsylvania. AOL's Paul Kix has the overview:

The study conducted five experiments. One had people judge photographs of others holding an alcoholic drink, a non-alcoholic one or nothing. Another experiment tested how persuasive a speech would be if the audience knew the speaker was drinking alcohol or something nonalcoholic. In both cases, alcohol dimmed the perceived intelligence of the people holding the drinks.

The most damning and universally applicable finding, however, came from the experiment that melded alcohol and job-seeking. Let's say a potential employer takes you, the potential employee, to dinner. The study shows that when you order a glass of wine or a beer, the employer views you as less desirable -- even if the employer orders a drink as well.
Being the rigorous academics that we are, we read through the entire study and found a gaping flaw in their methodology. They never tested for the Sam Adams effect: