AUTHOR: Ellen Warren, senior correspondent for the Chicago Tribune

PURPOSE: To discourage women from wearing capris

CAPRIS, AKA: "The fashion equivalent of the BP Gulf oil gusher"

CRIMES OF CAPRIS: Creating "stumpy" legs, large rears, the fiction of summer comfort

THAT ARGUMENT ABOUT CAPRIS BEING MORE COMFORTABLE: "What, your ankles are hottest part of your body?"

ONE POSSIBLE UPSIDE TO CAPRIS: "They hide bad knees," says an Omaha teacher

A CORRESPONDING DOWNSIDE: They highlight "cankles"

DEFINITION OF A 'CANKLE': "Hefty calves and thick ankles"

WARREN'S CONCLUSION: "I see victory, one capri-wearer at a time"