AUTHOR: Raj Patel at Alternet

LENGTH: 1544 words

REASONABLE BASIC PREMISE: Fast food advertisements aimed at kids can be harmful and underhanded

SLIGHTLY RIDICULOUS HEADLINE: "Down with the Clown: Why Ronald McDonald Has No Business Talking to Children"

PATEL'S PROBLEM: Ronald McDonald's "audacity"

FAVORED TOOL OF THIS DANGEROUS CLOWN: "A wink and a smile"

WHAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT RONALD: "Ronald isn't just a clown. He's not just a pioneer in the marketing of food to children: he's also an architect. Without him, the food system we have today would look very different."

OTHER NAMES FOR RONALD: "A Hamburgler"

SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE THAT THIS CLOWN IS INDEED QUITE SINISTER: "The Corporate Accountability International, an organization which I advise, has released a terrific report entitled Clowning with Kid's Health: The Case for Ronald McDonald's Retirement (PDF), in which the survey data on Ronald is presented, and some tight legal and epidemiological arguments against him are made."

THE SOLUTION: Force Ronald McDonald to "retire" and turn him into "a symbol of shame," much like Joe Camel has become for the cigarette industry