POINT OF DEPARTURE: Lady Gaga's appearance at an AIDS charity event, encouraging young women to be careful whom they sleep with and carry condoms
WHAT LADY GAGA REALLY MEANS: "I am celibate so you must be too"
EVIDENCE: Gaga's admission that she herself is single due to lack of time
WHAT THIS IS: "Megalomania disguised as social concern"
EXPLANATION: "It is a trait amongst the clueless, to immediately recommend for humanity the small life lesson that they have only just learned."
WHICH MAKES GAGA LIKE: Sarah Palin
GOLDEN RULE: "Whatever celebrities tell you to do, do the opposite"
ASIDE: "I have interviewed many famous people"
PARTING WISDOM: "Happy shagging!"