AUTHOR: Ethan Epstein at True Slant
LENGTH: 376 words
THESIS: "The term 'locavore' is obnoxious both sonically and philosophically"
WORDS NEEDED TO CONCLUDE THAT 'LOCAVORES'--PEOPLE WHO ATTEMPT TO EAT LOCALLY-GROWN FOOD--ARE LIKE RACISTS: 97
REASONING: "'Locavorism' encourages people to weigh the interest of their local farmers ... over that of others," while "the foundation of any ethical system--actually, the foundation of ethics, period--is is the premise that the interests of all people are worthy of equal consideration"
ITERATIONS OF 'LOCAVORES ARE LIKE RACISTS' DECLARATION': 2
ANOTHER SNEAKY LITTLE PROBLEM WITH LOCAVORES: Their actions set them opposite the anti-tribalist philosophy upon which climate change activism is based
COME AGAIN? "After all, anti-global warming activists are taking steps that they hope will benefit the lives of people who have not even been born yet."
THE LAST WORD:
We've known for sometime that many Bobos are deeply suspicious of human progress. But I always assumed these fears were solely related to technological progress. Now we know many oppose ethical progress as well.

AND FOR THOSE SEEKING EXTRA CONTRARIANISM: "If you really want to do good, boycott your local business"