AUTHOR: Ellis Weiner
FORUM: The Huffington Post
LENGTH: 1293 words
SUBJECT: The emerging horribleness of New York Times columnist Ross Douthat
NICKNAMES FOR BILL KRISTOL: Bill "I Have Been and Will Continue to Be Wrong About Everything" Kristol; Bill 'Deeply, Deeply Wrong About Everything' Kristol, Bill 'Always, Always in Error' Kristol
MATERIAL OUT OF WHICH DOUTHAT'S STRAW MAN IS BUILT: Baloney
OTHER INTERESTINGLY MIXED METAPHORS: White-washing absolution, circus clown tears, barely-dry toner on the first printouts of history
ADVICE TO DOUTHAT: "Work on your clichés."
THE LAST WORD:

When Bill "I Have Been and Will Continue to Be Wrong About Everything" Kristol departed the Op-Ed pages of the New York Times, a great cry was heard throughout the land.

"With whom will the Times replace him?" we wondered. "Oh, sure, we still have David Brooks. At least he'll be around, defending conservative lies, chiding our contemporary foibles and follies with his head-firmly-up-ass sociological observations, and drawing bogus equivalencies between 'the far left' and 'the far right.' But what if we need more?

Then our prayers were answered. Not long after Kristol packed up his wrongness and cleared out his locker, he was replaced by a screwball-throwing rightie out of The Atlantic's farm team named Ross Douthat. And, while he's needed a couple months to hit stride in the Bigs, Douthat weighs in today with a column of such dazzling falseness and bad faith, it'll have us thinking "Bill 'Deeply, Deeply Wrong About Everything' Kristol WHO?"

 

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