Prepare yourselves for the Hot Pockalypse.
Nestlé announced it will be removing the Hot Pocket Philly Steak & Cheese flavors off shelves after it was learned they potentially contain "diseased and unsound animals," a Nestlé press release explains. The meaty mixup is actually a casualty of a U.S. Department of Agriculture recall of 8.7 million pounds of meat processed by Rancho Feeding Corporation, which had not been properly inspected.
"Thus, the products are adulterated, because they are unsound, unwholesome or otherwise are unfit for human food and must be removed from commerce," the USDA said in its report. In its press release, Nestlé acknowledged that a "small quantity" of Rancho's meat had been used at a California Hot Pocket facility.
Surviving the Hot Pockalypse won't be overly difficult, though. The recall only applies to the Philly Steak & Cheese flavor, and did not touch any of the other many, many types of delicious microwave edibles. Your Cheeseburger and Chicken Bacon Cheddar Cheese Melt is still technically edible (we think). Stick that bundle of overly processed meat in the microwave and set it to "lava hot," just as comedian Jim Gaffigan would.