On this, the 13th Day of December, the omnipotent ruler known as Beyoncé smiled upon her subjects and released a "visual" album. "Let there be art," she said. "Let them hear with their eyeballs," Beyoncé proclaimed. And we did, and we obliged.
Art begets art. And the best way to honor Beyoncé's 17 ("Grown Woman" is a bonus video) new songs, videos, and everything she's done for us was to watch every single one of those 17 videos and create GIFs to honor this special woman. Here, for your consumption, is The Wire's GIF guide to Beyoncé's Beyoncé:
If pretty does hurt, then Beyoncé has a high threshold for pain.
This video was about a scary hotel. This GIF demonstrates how everyone should put out cigarettes.
She learned this move from drag queens ... then perfected it.
"Drunk in Love"
Beyoncé is playing a joke here, because if you read her lips, she's mouthing the phrase "baddest bitch ever." You do not need to read her lips or watch this video to know she is speaking the truth.
This is really just an opportunity to show us that she is agile.
In which Beyoncé borrows a white coat from fellow deity Olivia Pope.
Again, Beyoncé would like to make clear that agility is a quality that will take you far in this world. But not as far as Beyoncé.
This video is purely fiction because it revolves around Beyoncé being ignored. She never has to drop napkins in real life.
Again, this is fictional. In this video, Beyoncé tries to convince us she is a vindictive, envious, and beautiful god. We assume this is the face she makes when one of her subjects watches a video from a basic, but her all her subjects know better than to do that.
Wherein Beyoncé takes the one thing Keri Hilson had left (falling on beds really beautifully).
Okay, clearly our God has a sense of humor.
This is what you think you look like when your crush catches you dancing. This is what you will never look like when your crush catches you dancing.
Obviously. And just to prove it more:
"Superpower" is the name of this video, and there are cameos by Kelly Rowland and Marriott Marquis concierge Michelle Williams in the film. I believe "superpower" might be a slight reference to the fact that she bent the rules of nature and made these ladies famous.
And she also still likes Kelly more than Michelle:
"Mother, daughter, and Sasha Fierce .. I pray for ones who are more basic than me."
There are clips of Blue Ivy in this video. This was more fun:
This is song about being a woman. Being a woman means wearing whatever you want:
In this video Beyoncé shows she can travel back in time and make the child version of herself sing a song that came into existence 20-plus years later: