2012 was a fine year for Cobbler, the turkey. Cobbler, who was raised in Rockingham County, Virginia, was just 19 weeks old when he was named the National Thanksgiving Turkey, earning himself a pardon from the President of the United States on November 21, 2012.
But Cobbler didn't last long. Just months after the passing of his turkey alternate (all pardoned turkeys have an alternate) Gobbler, Cobbler was euthanized on August 22, 2013. Like every single other turkey pardoned by President Barack Obama, Cobbler and Gobbler are no longer among the living. Only one turkey pardoned by the president has lived to see a second Thanksgiving.
Next week, on the day before Thanksgiving, the president will again pardon a National Thanksgiving Turkey and its alternate, this time from Minnesota. And, if history is precedent, those turkeys have two years left at best. Here the Star Tribune has a look at some possible turkeys that are gonna die soon.
So what's the deal? Is Obama casting death spells on these poor birds? Well, no. At least if his predecessor's luck with turkeys is any guide.
John Stossel wrote about George W. Bush's bad luck with Thanksgiving turkeys for ABC, after Bush made the claim that his two pardoned turkeys would "live out their days" in comfort and care. Stossel did the journalistic heavy-lifting and went to the turkey farm where Bush sent his pardoned turkeys. The Virginia farmer told Stossel that "we usually just find 'em and they're dead."
Like Obama's turkeys, the turkeys pardoned by his predecessors tended to last only a few months.
So, what's wrong with our political turkey class?
A 2010 report for the Human Society detailed the burdens Turkey eugenics have wrought on the birds. Simply put, they are not bred for living, but for eating.
"Farming interests have transformed Ben Franklin's tree-perching 'Bird of Courage' into a ﬂightless gargantua bred to grow so fast that today's commercially raised turkeys," the report's section on turkey obesity. The added weight causes degenerative hip failure and other joint deformities.
In fact, they are so fat, that without human intervention, the domesticated turkey would go extinct. That's because "Turkeys have been bred for such heavy body weight that they are physically incapable of mating, necessitating artiﬁcial insemination via tube or syringe."
And like overweight humans, these obese turkeys suffer and die from heart disease. "Sudden death associated with acute heart failure and perirenal hemorrhage bleeding around the kidneys) is a signiﬁcant cause of mortality for rapidly growing turkey toms," the report states.
Flightless gargantua. No. Delicious flightless gargantua.