If you are bored at the airport right now, thanks to America's faltering infrastructure and terrible weather, or if you want something to look at / laugh at / refer bafflingly to tomorrow night at Thanksgiving dinner, here you go: The best tweets that have been created as of November 27, 2013, as selected by The Wire and Various People We Know.
"What is your favorite tweet" is, for Twitter users, a surprisingly hard question to answer. Twitter's so-called "favorite" tool doesn't help, allowing, as it does, an infinite number of favorites. So actual favorites need something special, maybe some context, maybe something else to really stand out.
Take my favorite tweet. It is this, written just as Massachusetts police had surrounded Dzhokhar Tsarnaev in that suburban back yard.
why not just tow the boat to jail— Eric Spiegelman (@ericspiegelman) April 20, 2013
This is a good tweet; if you are writing tweets, aim for this. Topical, funny, and, yes, an incisive look at the nature of police work and also boat trailers.
Here is how other people answered that same question.
Favorite tweets of non-Wire people
Caitlin Kelly, senior web producer at The New Yorker
Well, @SexCauldron, could the ability to apply intelligence and skill in pressure spots--rather than being overrun by anxiety--be 'clutch'?— Buster Olney (@Buster_ESPN) October 16, 2013
Max Read, Gawker.com deputy editor
.@parisreview So is Paris any good or not— Patricia Lockwood (@TriciaLockwood) January 9, 2013
Margarita Noriega, Editor-in-Charge of Reuters Live News
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Pizzas— Pizzacat (@catpizzas) August 13, 2013
Alex Pareene, Salon.com columnist
Ryan Woodsmall, self-described "professional idiot"
Hello sir, I-*briefcase full of jellybeans falls open*— brendle what (@brendlewhat) February 4, 2012
Josh Fruhlinger, freelance writer and editor
Context: This is about the McDonald's anthem "Mac Tonight."
"This creepy moon singing a jazzy, food-based reinterpretation of a leftist ode to a murderer will make people want hamburgers at night"— alex pareene (@pareene) November 25, 2013
Jen Doll, author of Save the Date
Twitter is like screaming into a great abyss and then sometimes your friends will swing by the periphery and be like, "Hey, nice screaming."— Nick Greene (@NickGreene) July 29, 2013
Jess Zimmerman, Grist List editor
Pick up artists and garbage men should switch names.— Ceej (@ceejoyner) May 29, 2013
Matt Novak, editor of Gizmodo's Paleofuture blog
No, no, no. Everything happens for a reason IN MOVIES. Common mistake.— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) September 5, 2011
Darth, internet celebrity
What’s all the fuss about horse meat? Who gives a shit? I’ll eat a horse. I’ll eat your dog. I’ll eat your fucking family.— rob delaney (@robdelaney) February 19, 2013
The Wire staff's favorite tweets
*hugs girlfriend, gets on 1 knee* honey, would you *points up, fireworks spell out "LIKE A FREE IPAD?" she looks down& i'm holding a survey*— LeVar Burzum (@drugleaf) February 18, 2012
Thank God it's Friday!!!!!! It is the weekend baby!!!!!! Have fun and enjoy it!!!— Quvenzhane' Wallis (@IAMQUVENZHANE) May 10, 2013
Context: Perhaps unaware of the full context of that first sentence.
Does anyone know if dexter filkins is on twitter?— Sarah Jessica Parker (@SJP) November 6, 2013
@TriciaLockwood No.— T.J.Maxx (@tjmaxx) May 8, 2012
Context: Back in 2009, early Twitter adopter Stephen Fry was trapped in a crowded elevator, and livetweeted the whole thing. He even took a photo of his fellow travelers.
Here we are x http://twitpic.com/1bgnt— Stephen Fry (@stephenfry) February 3, 2009
I'm not tweeting again until the Red Sox win.— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) April 6, 2011
Does anyone know how outback makes their bloomin onion?— Audrina Patridge (@AudrinaPatridge) April 20, 2013
no— NPR News (@nprnews) June 21, 2012
I want @drake to murder my vagina— amanda bynes (@amandabynes) March 22, 2013
Context: Earlier this summer Vanity Fair published "40 Signs You Are a BuzzFeed Writer Running Out of List Ideas." If you're at BuzzFeed (unofficial motto: #nohaters), this is probably the best way to respond.
40 Reasons Vanity Fair is no longer invited to brunch.— Saeed Jones (@theferocity) July 9, 2013
Robot jerk cut me off... Chased it into parking lot. Now what do I do??? pic.twitter.com/W98jpC9dcS— MATT DRUDGE (@DRUDGE) July 30, 2013
it is a common misconception that slugs are naturally slow moving honestly theyre just chill as hell— YA BOY BILL NYE (@yaboybillnye) October 23, 2012
And, the classic:
dan abrams— Dan Abrams (@danabrams) March 30, 2011